Feeling guilty

I’m feeling guilty about the way I parented (or rather, didn’t) today.

Julian was being particularly needy (I say “needy” in the most loving way – I mean the kid is only 7 weeks old, of course he’s needy) and maybe going through a growth spurt (Is that possible?? He weighed in at 13 lbs., 14 oz. on Tuesday.) because he was nursing a LOT and just needing a lot of mommy time today. And because I didn’t have my hands free and was pretty much tied to the Boppy or the bouncy exercise ball (which he loves to bounce on), I let Ava watch a crapload quite a bit of TV. And then when I told her she’d watched enough and we needed to find something else to do, she turned it back on and said she “needed” to watch something else. Ugh.

I don’t mind her watching some TV, but since Julian was born, she’s watching more than I would really like. Pre-Julian she’d watch Sesame Street on some mornings and that was usually it. That was cool with me because she was learning things and it was only an hour of TV time. Now she watches Sesame Street as well as Teletubbies and Barney, which is two-hours’ worth total, and that’s pretty much every week day. Some days she also watches a 30-minute DVD (Laurie Berkner or LeapFrog Letter Factory) too. *gulp*

I don’t want her to turn into a TV junkie and her turning the TV back on today and saying she “needed” to watch something else scared me a bit. Maybe things will get better once Julian is a bit older and doesn’t command so much of my time or once the weather warms up and she can play outside again. But it certainly is easy to flip the tube on, knowing she’ll be occupied for the next 30 minutes or whatever, while I tend to Julian, throw in a load of laundry, wash some dishes, make lunch, or whatever.

And that’s another thing, if I don’t have time to spend with Ava, I really don’t have time to take care of all the necessary household chores. Making dinner is a colossal effort most evenings. Tonight I had every intention of making a decent dinner, but then Julian couldn’t be set down and wasn’t happy in the Moby (*gasp*), so I had to wait until Jody got home and could hold him, and then Ava just wanted Mommy time so I had to hold her for a while. At 7 o’clock I finally made banana pancakes for dinner (with Miss Ava’s help). Oy.

I should add we did have a couple nice outings this week. One day we went to the library (my first time taking both kids out by myself) and yesterday, since the weather was warmer, we went for a walk and then Ava played out in the snow in the backyard. It was good, for all of us I think, to get out of the house. :)

I need to wrap this up now because I have things I need to get to before bed. Just wanted to vent a bit. Tomorrow is another day. I can only strive to do better.