Today I celebrate my 33rd birthday. Thirty-three years of laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, learning, growing, evolving, loving, living.
For some reason, this number – 33 – has been hard for me. Perhaps because I’m nearly one-third of a century (gah) old now. Perhaps because the days, weeks, months and years seem to be going by faster and faster than ever before. Perhaps because I’ve been taking a mental inventory of my life and haven’t been particularly happy with some of my discoveries. Perhaps a combination of these things.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, a charmed life. But I’ve recently had to be honest with myself about how much I can realistically commit to doing and still feel good about the kind of parent I am. I want to do it all. All of us moms do. We want to juggle all of the balls and keep them all up in the air, and, if we drop one (because invariably we will), we don’t want anyone to see it.
I’ve been getting more and more comments lately from people saying they don’t know how I keep it all together or how I do so much. I tend to answer the same way, telling them that it’s hard and I’m still working on finding that perfect balance, but the truth is when someone seems to be doing it all and have all of their sh*t together, you can rest assured that they are falling behind in at least one area (probably more) of their life. I know it was happening to me.
And so I’ve chosen to cut back on some commitments (though it was very hard to) and not take on new ones (even though they were appealing) in an effort to focus more time on the things that really matter – my children and my husband.
Jody and I had a parent-teacher conference with Ava’s Waldorf preschool teacher last night and she raved about what a delight Ava is. Ava is “fiery” (no surprise to us to hear that word), but a real joy. I love hearing about how well she is doing in school and how much her teacher appreciates her. It’s sometimes easier for me to focus on the bad and overlook the good and this was a good reminder for me that she really is an amazing kid.
Julian strung together his first two-word phrase last night. “Hol’ me.” (Hold me.) He said it first to Jody, but later to me as well. He’s been talking more and more the past couple of weeks, but this in particular was oh. so. very. sweet.
I don’t have any special plans for today, and that’s OK with me. I intend on spending some good quality time with the kids and enlisting Ava’s help in baking my cake. I think we’ll go with carrot cake and cream cheese frosting made from scratch. Mmmm. Perhaps we’ll play outside for a bit. Perhaps we’ll read some books. Perhaps I’ll focus on just how amazing these first 33 years of my life have been, how blessed I am, and make a wish for more of the same in my next 33.
Stumble it!
Laura says:
Happy Birthday! :)
May 7th, 2008 at 6:54 am
Everyday Yogini says:
Happy, happy birthday Amy!! How wonderful to wish for more of the same in your next 33 years! I love that… I hope your day is very special.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:57 am
Rebecca says:
Happy birthday!
And “Hol’ me” isn’t a two-word phrase. It’s a sentence — the imperative “(You) hol’ me.” Yay for your little one!
And so very sweet.
By the way… my first three-syllable word? hamburger… after my family drove by a McDonald’s. EEK!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Liesl says:
What a lovely post :) Happy Birthday, and here’s to many, many more!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Jennifer S says:
Happy birthday! 33 sounds like a good time to take stock… glad to see you came up full!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Half Pint Pixie says:
Happy birthday Amy :) Hope you have a splendid year!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Isil says:
Happy birthday!I also celebrated my 33rd birthday last week.Time goes by ;)
Yep,I’d like to blog for API.
Cheers
May 7th, 2008 at 7:50 am
amanda says:
Hope your birthday is the best one yet, with a magical year to follow!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Adventures In Babywearing says:
Happy Birthday, Amy! I say 33 is a great age! You wear it well!
Steph
May 7th, 2008 at 8:04 am
glamgranola says:
Happy Birthday my friend!
May 7th, 2008 at 8:13 am
NedaAnn says:
Happy, happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing day.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Nicole says:
First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Reading your post I realized that my struggle is that less that I SOOOOOO don’t have it together and more that I think everyone else does so I must be some huge failure. Not sure why women automatically think like this…we can’t all have it together or all be failures.
Awww! Julian’s words are too sweet! YAY for all of you!
And Ava IS a delight. My boys are crazy about her. She is a really special person in that she makes kids feel like she’s interested in them and they (at least my boys) love her. She seems way beyond her years in that regard!
Enjoy your day!!
May 7th, 2008 at 9:13 am
mimipz5wjj says:
Happy Birthday!!!!
Learning to say “no” and to prioritize is something we all go through.
Hope you have a wonderful day!!!!
May 7th, 2008 at 9:17 am
yarrow says:
Happy happy Birthday! Since I will be celebrating my 40th in July, I totally understand the “taking stock” mentality you spoke of. I hope you have a wonderful day.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Greenstylemom says:
Happy Birthday!
And I am with you on making the important stuff the priority. I’m working on that also, but it can be difficult to not take on too much.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:06 am
erica says:
Happy Birthday Amy!
May 7th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Vered - MomGrind says:
I really enjoyed reading this post. I love your honesty. Time does go by faster as we get older (I am 36, so for me it goes by even faster than for you :) ).
I also agree that it’s just not possible to do it all.
Not sure what else to say… except happy Birthday and that I was deeply moved by this post.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:30 am
halloweenlover says:
Happy Birthday! I hope you get lots of hugs from your beautiful family!
May 7th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Leslie- LaMamaNaturale' says:
Happy Birthday Amy! Have a wonderful day! My niece’s birthday is today too! :)
May 7th, 2008 at 11:00 am
New Green Mama says:
Happy Birthday. I will be 33 in June so I know how you feel. Birthdays are a great time to reevaluate your life. I hope you have a great one. The cake sounds yummy!!!
May 7th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Jen @ One Moms World says:
You are right… we can’t do it all even though us moms it is soooo hard to say no. I have learned that quite a bit this year.
Happy Birthday to you and you will have to take picts of your cake. My birthday is on Mother’s Day this year… so cool.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Donna says:
I think we all have to recalibrate our lives from time to time. You’re smart to do so (must be those 33 years of experience).
Have a wonderful, wonderful day!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Sherie says:
Wishing you a blessed, carrot-cake-filled, day of sweetness and love. :-)
May 7th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Michelle says:
Happy Birthday!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Darla says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Good for you for not committing to more. You do quite enough for the world my dear.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Liz says:
I felt the same way at 33 and, now that I’m turning 44 next month, I’m blaming all the wackiness on those same-double-digit years.
Either way, you’re very smart to take time out and think of yourself this time, too.
Happy Birthday, sweetie!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Colleen says:
Well happy birthday to you! Have a great day!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
A Mama's Blog (Heather) says:
Happy Birthday Amy! I know how hard you work, and you do an outstanding job of “keeping it all together.”
Like you and others have pointed out, the prioritizing is something that is hard to find that perfect balance. I have struggled with it myself as well.
I always tell myself when I feel bad that I can’t take more on, or an opportunity arises that I decide not to act on, that these years with our babies will go so fast- they will be over before we know it. I don’t want to look back when my kids are grown and gone, regretting what I spent my time on during these years.
The one thing I do know that will be true, is when this time comes, I won’t be saying “darn it…I wished I had worked more on my blog, or had more computer/me time, or volunteered more, or worked longer hours at my job more, etc.”
So I try to keep that in mind, and enjoy these years with my children. When they are grown and gone, then I will have all the time in the world to pursue ventures I can’t now.
I don’t mind having regrets about what I didn’t pursue along the lines of work, but I never want to have regrets about what I spent my time on during my children’s childhoods. It is too precious and gone too fast.
So here’s to you doing what is best for yourself and your family. If you fill in and devote your time to what matters most first, the rest will work out the way it is supposed to.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
A Mama's Blog (Heather) says:
Happy Birthday Amy! I know how hard you work, and you do an outstanding job of “keeping it all together.”
Like you and others have pointed out, the prioritizing is something that is hard to find that perfect balance. I have struggled with it myself as well.
I always tell myself when I feel bad that I can’t take more on, or an opportunity arises that I decide not to act on, that these years with our babies will go so fast- they will be over before we know it. I don’t want to look back when my kids are grown and gone, regretting what I spent my time on during these years.
The one thing I do know that will be true, is when this time comes, I won’t be saying “darn it…I wished I had worked more on my blog, or had more computer/me time, or volunteered more, or worked longer hours at my job more, etc.”
So I try to keep that in mind, and enjoy these years with my children. When they are grown and gone, then I will have all the time in the world to pursue ventures I can’t now.
I don’t mind having regrets about what I didn’t pursue along the lines of work, but I never want to have regrets about what I spent my time on during my children’s childhoods. It is too precious and gone too fast.
So here’s to you doing what is best for yourself and your family. If you fill in and devote your time to what matters most first, the rest will work out the way it is supposed to.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Hatchet says:
Happy birthday!
I know what you mean about burning the candle at both ends. Enjoy your birthday and take it easy.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Naomi says:
happy birthday!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Darci says:
Happy Birthday, hope it’s fun!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Sandra says:
Happy Birthday! Like u say – look at the positive of your own life as you do your daughter’s.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Krista says:
Happy 33rd, Amy – i celebrated mine in January and so far this has been the best year yet (and at the same time the most challenging… go figure!)… happy celebrating!!
May 7th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Christina says:
Happy Birthday! And kudos to your for keeping your priorities in the right place.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
VDog says:
Well said, girl.
Happy Birthday!
I am always amazed at your twitters at night — writing, parenting, cooking. You deserve a break today! I hope you can balance your life in a way that makes you and your family happy.
Wishing you all the best, today and everyday!
May 7th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Cat says:
I remember being 33, seems like a lifetime ago!
May 7th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
BerryBird says:
Happy Birthday, Amy!
May 7th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
carrie says:
Happy Birthday!! We had carrot/cream cheese cake earlier this week for my birthday – perfect choice!
I hope this day and upcoming year brings you balance and much happiness!
May 7th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Erinne says:
Happy – Happy – Happy Birthday – hope it’s a nice and quiet day and you get a few moments of Mommy relaxation time.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
erika says:
happy, happy birthday!! relax, eat (lots of) cake and celebrate how dang beautiful life is :)
xo,
erika
May 7th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
My Sea Pod says:
Happy Birthday Amy!! I’m glad to hear your taking time to smell the roses, we all could probably do that. :)
May 7th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Maggie says:
Happy Birthday Amy! I hope the coming year is filled with great things!
May 7th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Jenni says:
Happy Birthday, Amy! I’ll be 33 in a few months, and I kind of feel the same way. I love the confidence that my 30s have ushered in, but I don’t like feeling like life is flying by!
Have a great BD and Mother’s Day!
May 7th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Mama's Nest - Ashlee says:
33 will wear you well. Happy Birthday Amy.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Greenbaby says:
Thank you again for your perfect combination of humor and total honesty. I too am a bit addicted to overachieving and have to regularly keep myself in check. I read your blog just as I was trying to stay up too late and do too much. Thanks to you I’m going to go collapse into bed and prepare to be an engaged mother when tomorrow morning rolls around.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Penny says:
Have a very happy birthday Amy! Enjoy that cake and relaxing time.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Megan@SortaCrunchy says:
Again – happy, happy birthday. Thanks for sharing this with such honesty. I can completely relate to what you mean, and I don’t have nearly as many irons in the fire as you do. Thanks for reminding all of us about what is important in life!
May 8th, 2008 at 5:30 am
Shay says:
Congrats! Happy birthday.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:11 am
MereMortal says:
Happy BIRTHday to you, Amy!
Ohhhh, clearing space emotionally and mentally is so good for all of us. I am glad you are taking this on. I hope you find additional moments of peace and relaxation for yourself and with your family. You are a giving, loving mama. That’s what matters most.
Much joy to you in the next year and beyond!
xoxo
Leigh
May 8th, 2008 at 10:15 am
casual friday everyday says:
Happy 33rd Amy!
May 8th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Kate (Emma Lu's Mom) says:
Happy Birthday Amy!!!!!! I hope you had a great day!
May 8th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Crazy Daisy says:
Happy birthday!
May 8th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Gruppie Girl says:
Happy Birthday from another 33 year old!
May 8th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Sommer says:
Happy Birthday! I hope you were treated like a domestic goddess!!!
May 8th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
phyllis says:
happy birthday!:-)
May 8th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Melonie (Momma and More) says:
Happy birthday! I’ll be 34 in a few weeks – personally I feel like I really “came into my own” when I turned 30. It’s nowhere near as old as it seemed when I was 5. ;-P
May 8th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
To Think Is To Create says:
Hope it was a fabulous day!
May 9th, 2008 at 2:52 am
smtwngrl says:
Happy Belated Birthday! I turned 32 this year and I think that was harder for me than turning 30. I agree with Melonie, too — I really seem to have “found myself” in the last couple of years.
Thanks for all the Donation Challenge support, too! Not going as well as I’d hoped, but it could be worse…and there’s still several hours to bring in more comments.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
chelle says:
I totally get the “I want to do it all” syndrome. It is so hard to slow down and “Enjoy it all” and wait for the rest!
Happy Belated Birthday (this post somehow got lost in the abyss of google reader), May all your birthday wishes come true this year!
May 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Kim says:
A (belated) happy birthday to you! 33 is not so bad… I’ve been doing it for a whole 3 months now and so far, it’s been a pretty good year.
May 11th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Stacy says:
Happy belated birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day. I know what you mean about being overcommitted…I feel that way all the time and struggle to figure out how to balance everything.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:17 am