When I wrote this post for the Attachment Parenting blog – API Speaks, I was unsure if I wanted to cross-post it on my own blog as well. I think most of my readers know I’m still nursing my almost 4-year-old daughter, and while I’m OK with the fact that I am, it’s not something I try to draw attention to either. I mean, it’s not the most socially acceptable thing to do here in the USA. Anyway, I decided to post it after all. Maybe it will keep another mom nursing a preschooler from feeling like she’s the only one in the world doing it. There have to be others out there, right? It’s just something so few people talk about. But here goes, I am talking about it…
When I was preparing for my daughter Ava’s birth, there were a lot of uncertainties about what motherhood would have in store for me, but there was one thing I knew for certain – I would breastfeed. I didn’t have a time limit set on how long I would breastfeed, I just knew I would do it, as my mom had done with me and my siblings.
My daughter Ava is now just three weeks away from her fourth birthday and she is still nursing. I am sometimes conflicted about how I feel about it. After all, it’s not like I began my nursing journey saying, “I want to nurse my child until she’s at least four. I did, however, believe I wanted my child to wean when she was ready, but I didn’t anticipate how I might feel or what I might do if her idea/time frame of weaning readiness differed from my idea of when I thought she should be ready.
Ava nursed pretty much on demand, or, a phrase I rather prefer, on cue until she was around 2 years old. It was then that I was pregnant with her brother Julian and decided I need to cut back her nursing frequency a bit for my own peace of mind. A few months before Julian’s birth, she was down to nursing once per day (before bed) and that’s pretty much what she’s been doing ever since (for the last year and a half).
A few months ago, I toyed with the idea of weaning her by her fourth birthday, so I threw the suggestion out there to her. At first she seemed amenable to the idea, but has since changed her tune, citing, “But I love mama milk,” which made me smile. And then she also added, “I’m going to nurse until I’m 8!” which made me shift a little uncomfortably in my seat.
I feel like overall (with the exception of a few difficult months during my pregnancy) we’ve had a great nursing relationship and she’s received so many wonderful benefits – great health, emotional security, bonding with her brother at the breast, etc. – over the past four years. I know it would be bittersweet if she weaned now, but I would feel very good about what I’ve been able to give her, as well as what she’s been able to give me. However, I don’t think she’s ready yet and, as much as I’d like to just be nursing one child again, I don’t think I am going to insist that she wean. I may still make suggestions and talk up the very rare occasions that she goes to sleep without having “na-na” by telling her how proud I am and what a big girl she is, but, for now, I think that’s as far as I’m going to take it. When all is said and done, I really do want her to be able to decide when she is done.
I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew from an infant to a toddler and eventually blossomed into a preschooler in what now seems like the blink of an eye. I am confident this won’t go on forever and when I look back on this time when she’s 10 or 20 or 30, and I look at the young woman she’s become, I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.
Stumble it!
Beckie says:
Thank you for sharing that with us! As the mom of a 2 1/2 year old nursling, I can’t imagine what it would be like to be nursing a preschooler, but I also can’t imagine weaning yet ;) We shall see where I am a year or so from now, LOL!
June 1st, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Yvie says:
My son weaned a little too early (He weaned at 7 months). I felt sad about this because I consider breastfeeding as our bond. He stopped doing that ever since I went to work everyday.
For my second child, I want to give her/him the benefit to nurse to me ’till he’s 2 or 3 or 4. :)
Thank you for this insightful entry.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 am
Summer says:
In a few days I’ll be nursing a 2 year old, it’s crazy to think about. :) I absolutely think nursing a 4 year old is normal, and the more moms talk about it the more normal it will seem.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:20 am
Michelle says:
Join the nursing older-kids club. Been there done that several times over!
Great blog btw!
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:02 am
Azúcar says:
I’m all about nursing until they wean themselves. I wrote a post about nursing a toddler last year. It’s a lucky babe that’s nursed past a year, that’s for sure.
I don’t understand a lot about forced weaning; it just never (besides for often specious ‘medical’ purposes) made any kind of logical sense to me.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 am
Isil says:
wow,I can’t believe Ava is almost 4 now.I remember how young she was when I discovered your blog,I guess she was about Defne’s age.
Well done Amy!I’m hoping to follow your foot steps.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:52 am
On Nursing a Preschooler | Issues in Adult Care says:
[...] the rest of this great post here posted this entry on Monday, June 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 am. Posted in the category Uncategorized [...]
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 am
Lisa says:
I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve nursed mine until they stopped which has been anywhere from 14mo to 4. Thanks for letting all those ‘closet nursing mommies know they aren’t alone.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 am
how to know your pregnant says:
[...] my readers know I??m still nursing my almost 4-year-old daughter, and while I??m OK with the fact thttp://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2008/06/01/on-nursing-a-preschooler/Their First ‘Baby’ Was a Dog How Will It Handle the Real Deal? WallStreet Journal via Yahoo! Finance [...]
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:26 am
MomOnTheGo says:
I’m with you in the “not planning to nurse an almost 4 year old but then again, not planning to wean her either” club. The only thing I planned for was to nurse for at least a year. The last 2.9 years have been bonus time, I think. I’m glad you cross-posted. It’s good to make people aware that there are many of us out there, nursing our kids as long as they need it.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:43 am
Half Pint Pixie says:
We’re at 19 months now and Littlepixie is showing no signs of slowing down her love of milkies. I think once she’s 2 I might gently encourage a reduction in feeds but overall the plan is to keep going for a good while yet!
Thanks for sharing your experiences Amy, it’s great to know it can be done :)
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:53 am
Ninotchka says:
I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.
I can’t imagine that you won’t. :)
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:15 am
Stacy (mama-om) says:
Hi — my son is almost five and still nursing (sporadically).
We had a similar trajectory as you… the nursing really decreased during pregnancy (I got pregnant when he was 2 1/2) and then increased after the baby was born. A few months later we started nursing only at bedtime… And lately we nurse very infrequently.
Now he seems to ask more often than I say yes and he does a lot of boobie “holding” while his little brother nurses.
I remember reading an article in mothering about a mom nursing a kindergartner, and I once met a woman who was nursing a seven-year-old. But similarily to us, he wasn’t really nursing that often, but he thought of himself as still nursing.
I didn’t plan on nursing so long at all, and my son and I are definitely to the point where it’s hard to say he’s nursing, since he is actually getting milk only every few days or so (if that), but my son would tell you (with a big, shy grin on his face) that he is still nursing.
Thanks for posting, and for a great blog. I am going to sign up for the shower challenge!
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 am
Angela says:
I enjoyed your post and I think it’s wonderful that your daughter is happily nursing and you are comfortable with child-led weaning. As my nursing preschooler got older and older it got harder for people to be supportive, and I was even asked to stop nursing at breastfeeding support group meetings because it was viewed as counter-productive to promoting breastfeeding among the new mothers. (Of course, my daughter came first, but luckily as she got older she never “needed” to nurse at meetings). She has since weaned, when she was ready, and I’m glad our nursing relationship progressed how it did.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:44 am
Miriam says:
Good for you! I wasn’t able to bf, but I would have joined you in nursing as long as they wanted too. i get some grief from people because my 2 yos are still on bottles but I tell people that if I were bf’ing I wouldn’t wean so why should my girls not get that little extra bonding time because I couldn’t produce milk for them.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
erin k says:
My little Monkey is 20 months, and still nursing quite often, and we have no plans to wean any time soon. It is so encouraging to read a post like this. Let’s keeping doing all we can to help make extended breastfeeding the norm!
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Melissa says:
The whole time I was nursing both of my girls past the age of 4 I always wished that I could talk about it and that more moms were willing to admit that they were nursing for a long time too. My girls only nursed at naptime and bedtime as they became older which meant only 1-2 times/day. Of course, they are weaned now, but I have no regrets and I would absolutely nurse future children as long. I started bringing up plans to wean about a year before the big day, and when that day came they were fine – no tears or broken hearts.
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Emily at Mommin It Up says:
Great post, Amy.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Sarah-Ji says:
Cadence still nurses twice a day (sometime more). It’s our ritual when I come home from work. What better way to get re-bonded than that? Plus I get to rest for 15 minutes after a long day at the office.
The thing I like about nursing a preschooler (she’ll be 4 in September) is that I can ask her about the experience. For example, when I ask her what it tastes like, she always says, “Chocolate milk!” No wonder she likes it so much. But then one day I asked her if she liked “ma-ma-ma” for the taste or because she gets to be close to mama, and she didn’t hesitate to answer that it was the closeness to me she enjoyed so much.
And then there are the numerous times that I thought Cadence was going to come down w/ a cold, and a day or two later, she’s fine. I’m convinced it’s the breastmilk.
Thanks for posting this! It’s always good to hear from other moms who’ve enjoyed their extended-extended breastfeeding experience.
June 2nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Nicole says:
4!? Eeeeeeeeeeeew! Don’t you know that she’s old enough to _ask_ for it!? Gross!
;)
Someone at the peds office looked at me like I had 2 heads when I said that Q was still BFing at 2.5. That really gives you the idea that no one does it – and that’s really unfortunate! I’m glad you posted about it!
I started aiming for 6weeks and then “I’d see” so clearly I didn’t mean to make it past age 4 either ;) I have no regrets at all though!
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Stella Blue says:
My little girl will be 1 in 3 weeks (gasp!) and while that’s a milestone I’m very proud of, we have no plans to wean. The older she gets, the more correspondence I can see between increased nursing and her anxiety over developmental milestones. She nurses mainly at night, and it will be a sad, sad day when I can’t cuddle her up to me and experience that closeness.
great post!
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
polgara_j says:
Thanks for x-posting this! I’m now tandem nursing with a 2.5 month old and an almost 3 year old (July)and I think a lot of me being able to do that was your advice on tandem nursing. I’m so glad that Ava is still going strong – it gives me hope that I can make it through until Caitlin decides to wean as well. :)
People need to talk about nursing older children more!
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Abbie says:
Thanks for sharing, Amy. My mom breast fed each of her three children: me for 2 years, my middle brother for 3 years, and we joke that my baby brother breast fed until 5, but I think it was really more like 4. Now that we’re all adults, I can appreciate what she did for us. We were spaced out, which adds up to almost 10 years of breast feeding! It has taken a toll on her body, and every time someone points out her “saggy boobs” she reminds us that they’re saggy because she loves us. She had a hard time talking to people about it, and was criticized by family and friends, but her bond to each of us is still strong (I’m 27 and my brothers are 24 and 19). I hope to be able to do the same for my children when the time comes.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Kate (Emma Lu's Mom) says:
Congrats Amy!! I hope this new baby takes to nursing better than E did!
OT – Where did you get Ava’s dress? It is beyond cute!
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:43 pm
jenny from mommin' it up! says:
I am still nursing my 18 month old – and she shows no signs of letting up! While I REALLY hope she weans by the time she’s a preschooler, we’ll just have to see what happens. She is a very determined little girl and she loves to nurse! And at this point, I’m glad I can allow her to have the security she obviously gets from our nursing relationship. This was a GREAT post!
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Lynn from Organicmania.com says:
I think there is something wrong with a society that says it’s okay to give a child soda pop and candy and bottles with plastic spouts, but oh, if you nurse through toddlerhood you’re strange.
I nursed my 18 month-old in front of my mother yesterday and she hissed, “He’s too old for that!” I nursed the eldest until he was 26 months and hope to do the same for my youngest (and last) child.
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:58 pm
bronnie says:
It’s only in the west that there’s such a push for mums to wean their kids early. I’m all for them weaning when they are ready. I think it’s special that they continue to have that bond with Mum – and research shows that kids fed longer actually grow up more independent and confident because they have grown up with that security of knowing it’s there when they need it. I breastfed for as long as possible, until they gave up on their own. My youngest still occasionally pokes at my breasts hopefully and asks is there any milk in there yet? As if it will just magically come back!
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Liesl says:
Got a 4.5 year-old-nursling over here! Sometimes it is a lot to nurse two, but on the other hand, it’s one of the few times Liam will settle down for a bit. Then after he nurses, he’ll sit around and chat, and that’s when I often find out the things on his mind. And I think it’s eased his transition to brotherhood as well. Nursing a 4 year old is a very different thing than nursing a baby, and it is most definitely not for everyone, but overall I’m glad I stayed with it.
Yay to you for following your very perceptive Mama Heart to help Ava fill her nursing needs :) That’s a good thing.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Susan Lindgren says:
N stoped at 15 months-it was sad for me. M is 3 weeks away from her second birthday and still “NURSE” as she says. I tryed to “wean.” her but it was more like torture for myself, and more importantly her. Watching her cry and say “nurse” broke my heart. No I don’t have to tell the world that I nurse a toddler, that is my choice and for my daughters needs.
P.S. It doesn’t help that my DH laughs everytime M says “nurse” and makes her say it again and again:) It helps to have the support from your mate!
PPS Linked from twitter, I will still follow you;)
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:08 pm
phyllis says:
good for you for posting it. (oh, and for doing it!!!!!!!!)
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Monica says:
I once sat next to a mom and her nursing child on the back of a bus in Indonesia. It caught me off guard at first, but mother and child looked so at peace, and that mom had such a big grin too. The little one had to be at least 4. Great pro-nursing post.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:16 pm
BlondeBlogger says:
As a mom who was unable to breastfeed, I am envious of you. And I don’t think anyone has any right to judge a mother’s personal decisions like this, especially when they are made out of love for a child.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 pm
GeekMommy says:
It’s a great post Amy.
Anyone with issues with it has their *own* issues – because there isn’t a one-size-fits-all way to parent.
For a lot of reasons I won’t go into on your blog-comment-thread, I didn’t get to nurse my DD. So we had the ‘when to break the bottle habit’ issue. You know what? I didn’t care what anyone else thought – because my philosophy is that if you want to parent a child, get your own, I’ve got this one taken care of, thanks.
In the end, the real question is what works for you, your children, your family. You guys will get there when you get there.
But it’s great that you are posting this here – because yeah, other moms DO need to hear that it’s okay for them to make the call themselves and not worry what *anyone* else thinks of it.
Parenting is like golfing, no matter how bad the other guy/gal’s swing is, s/he will give you advice on your own game.
Sometimes we just need to hear that we’re not alone in playing the way that works for us.
((hug))
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Oz says:
I’m so glad you decided to share your story. I think what really matters is that our breastfeeding choices work within the unique contexts of our own families and with our children – and it sounds like you and Ava have a strong and beneficial breastfeeding relationship.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Vered says:
I nursed my youngest until she was 2. She initiated weaning. She just lost interest at some point. I don’t know what I would have done if she didn’t initiate weaning, but I do know this: if anyone judges you for doing what’s best for your child, and for you, then you don’t really need them as a subscriber, or as a follower. I think it’s great that you are following your heart and I think you are very brave for sharing your story.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Naomi says:
I think it was the video of the English tween girl who was still nursing that made me think two years was probably long enough. It really creeped me out. But preschool? Nah, whatever works for you.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Leslie- LaMamaNaturale' says:
Good for you, Amy~
My expectations may be to nurse my son before the age of 2 BUT his are completely different…I’m finding that out slowly. He seems to really enjoy nursing. I think the more we put it out there the more women will see it as the norm! I get a lot of criticism from my folks and fam…telling me he’s too old “for that”! They just don’t know any better.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Heather (A Mama's Blog) says:
I’m glad you are still nursing Ava if that works for you guys. More power to you. It is sad though, that you have to feel like you can’t talk about it as the norm. There is so much pressure to wean early- why?
As you know, I gently weaned R. when he was 26 months- b/c I was pregnant, and just couldn’t take it anymore. Now C. just turned 2, and he has no intention of slowing down. He likes to nurse mainly in the AM, before nap time, after nap (sometimes) and before bed. I’m not planning on weaning him, and we’ll just see how it goes.
BTW, my old boss told me an interesting story a few years ago. He was in his 60′s at the time, and grew up in the country. He said when he went to school at lunch time the “little” boys about ages 6 and 7 would go home to nurse. There wasn’t a lot of food at that time, and the mothers also used it as a form of birth control.
I thought that was pretty interesting that just in the 1940′s, nursing a 6 and 7 year old was perfectly acceptable. Too bad we have come so far in the other direction in the last 60 years.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Ana says:
Excellent! Very spot on and I share your sentiments.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
VDog says:
Brave post, hun. Well done.
xoxoxo
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Jenny says:
I am nursing my one-year-old (as of May 30) and I can’t imagine trying to wean her right now. She is so attached to me and is going through a hard enough time teething! It would be cruel and unusual to kick her off the breast just because of some arbitrary ideal nursing cutoff age society has come up with. She’ll probably nurse at least occasionally until she’s two or so, but that’s a guess. This time last year I was just hoping to nurse her to six months; we had a rocky start, but now it’s easy and we love to cuddle and use it as a bonding time. My issue is when do I quit pumping at work? I was planning to quit after her birthday, but I’ve always had a low milk supply and if I quit pumping I’m afraid my milk will run out before my DD is ready.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:58 am
Sheena says:
I can’t say that I plan on nursing a preschooler but I definitely do want Jayden to have breastmilk for as long as I can possibly provide it. Decisions, decisions! We’ll know when the time comes!
Great post! Mother knows best.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
MommyWithAttitude says:
I weaned my oldest when he was 21 months old because his brother was going to be born 4 months later, I didn’t want to tandem nurse and my milk dried up right then so it was an opportune time. It was devestating to me — neither of us were ready. My second baby weaned also at 21 months — I was ready, he wasn’t necessarily. Thank you for sharing your experience as even those of us who nursed for only 2 years receive so much judgment — the more we speak the more we normalize that which is normal!
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:19 pm
jencc says:
i have a three and a half year old and i have been on the fence with weaning. while i think i really want to, i sometimes feel that i don’t only because we’ve already decided he’ll be our 2nd and last kid. so until now, he’s breastfeeding. we call it our “dirty little secret” in a joking way. i guess i won’t have it any other way! thanks for the post, it was support for me!!
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Jenni says:
Good for you, Amy! I let my first three self-wean and the boys both weaned right before a year. It was bittersweet, but they were ready.
Don’t second guess yourself. She’s happy, you’re happy. What I think really doesn’t matter!
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Wired For Noise » Blog Archive » Trey Turns 2 says:
[...] joining good company as I step into the next phase. I’m proud to be joining the ranks of moms like Amy and I only hope I can be as cool about it as she is as time goes [...]
June 4th, 2008 at 4:55 am
MereMortal says:
thank you for sharing this. yes, the more we hear about nursing and see mamas and babies nursing in public, the more acceptable it will become. thank you for joining the revolution.
this post was a beautiful account of a mother’s love and a bonding relationship.
good for you, mama.
xoxo
June 4th, 2008 at 8:34 am
MereMortal says:
thank you for sharing this. yes, the more we hear about nursing and see mamas and babies nursing in public, the more acceptable it will become. thank you for joining the revolution.
this post was a beautiful account of a mother’s love and a bonding relationship.
good for you, mama.
xoxo
June 4th, 2008 at 8:35 am
JTL says:
Loved your blog, Amy.
My first weaned himself at 2y3m4d. It was happy and sad. I was a bit happy because I was 4 months pregant and had no more milk, and was very uncomforatble. but was soooo sad to lose that relationship. He had already drastically reduced his nursing just before age 2, as it was summer and we were outside all the time.
He has always been very independant.
His sister however, still considers herself ‘not weaned’, and she is six!!
She nursed frequently until 3.5, then started dropping down to every few days.
By 4 it was maybe once or twice a week. I considered her weaned by 4.5, but in the year and a half since then, she has asked to nurse, and I have let her, a half dozen times, maybe more. One day, she walked into a minivan coming off the bus from Kindergarten. I carried her home, and she asked to nurse, so I let her.
When I had my first, I wanted to nurse for 1 year, but was a little freaked out about nursing him longer. I remember hoping he would wean himself at a year!But it is so gradual, that it didn’t seem weird anymore!
June 4th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Camille says:
You know before I nursed I may have thought it was odd for you to still be nursing Ava since Reagan is 1 day younger than her and she was bottle fed….but NOW that I have been nursing Alex for 7 months I can UNDERSTAND why you’d still let her nurse.
I don’t plan on weaning anytime soon and though my DH has Alex’s 1st birthday and the cutoff there is no way I’m stopping there!!!!!
My kids all got bottles until they were 2 so why can’t I nurse until he’s 2 ??
June 4th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Cster says:
I’m so proud to have such an honest, brave sister who is also a great writer! I was kind of wondering about this aspect of your motherhood and reading all the lovely comments plus your article has once again confirmed for me that there is no “normal” and anyone who insists that “normal” exists is likely missing out on the beauty of an authentic life, consciously lived.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Lynn from Organicmania.com says:
These comments are all amazing! Some of the stories – like the one about the 1940s – are true folk history. You should compile these – think of some other way to get this info out.
June 4th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Carrie at NaturalMomsTalkRadio says:
You’re out of the closet. LOL!
My boys both weaned themselves at 4 1/2, but my daughter was 5 before she was done. Who knows how long this youngest will go :)
So did you delete all the mean comments? Cause I know you got some. ;)
June 4th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Shay says:
Thank you. I recently tried to wean my son and he wouldn’t have it. I think it was pretty traumatic for the both of us. I have put up a few boundaries for myself and it works. He’s 19.5 months old and I don’t know how much longer he’ll nurse and I’m becoming ok with the idea of nursing my son when he’s 2. We’ll see.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Lea says:
I’m so glad you posted your story. My little girl–also an Ava!–turned four yesterday, and as I put her to bed the night before, I thought back on our nursing relationship, which ended when she was two and a half.
For us, it was a series of decisions to keep going, for different reasons. While I was pregnant with her, I thought we’d nurse maybe eight or nine months. Then when she neared that age, I realized, hey, this is easy! And free! And I had already decided I never wanted to purchase formula.
Once she turned one–walking, then running, and never, ever stopping moving–the benefits for both of us changed. I started to really feel that amazing let-down reflex for the first time (late, I know!), and that infusion of stress-relief and relaxation made me a much better mom. I was exhausted and frustrated with her extreme energy levels; nursing mellowed me out and made me fall in love over and over. Not that I wasn’t in love, but–you know? It was a tough year.
Then came a yucky winter when every kid we knew had an awful two-week bout with rotovirus. Three of her close friends were hospitalized for hydration and observation. My girl stayed well–and I knew that if she did get sick, I’d have the perfect food for her. She has never had an ear infection or remotely serious illness, thanks to some mix of good luck and good nutrition. I’d like to think the breastmilk played a part.
Eventually, sometime around her second birthday, we cut back to nursing only first thing in the morning. She’d quit napping before age two and still could not sleep through the night. She’d awaken with a flourish and keep up the unbelievable energy level ALL. DAY. LONG. My husband and I were exhausted. So for our morning nursings we’d let her get in bed with us (rule: the sun had to be up) and nurse for fifteen minutes. It was our calmest, sweetest time of the day, and we all loved it.
That next Thanksgiving, when she was turning two and a half, my parents visited for four days. Ava got up each of those mornings and went first to find her Nana and Granddaddy, instead of getting in bed with us. I realized this was it. About a week later, she remembered–hey, I’ve been forgetting to go to mom!–but I gently told her we were stopping. It made me very sad, but we had a great run. She protested a bit and moved on.
Now we’ve got a new baby coming in a few weeks. It will be interesting to see what this new child will want and need….
Sorry for the book, but your great post got me reminiscing!
- L
June 5th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Lea says:
I’m so glad you posted your story. My little girl–also an Ava!–turned four yesterday, and as I put her to bed the night before, I thought back on our nursing relationship, which ended when she was two and a half.
For us, it was a series of decisions to keep going, for different reasons. While I was pregnant with her, I thought we’d nurse maybe eight or nine months. Then when she neared that age, I realized, hey, this is easy! And free! And I had already decided I never wanted to purchase formula.
Once she turned one–walking, then running, and never, ever stopping moving–the benefits for both of us changed. I started to really feel that amazing let-down reflex for the first time (late, I know!), and that infusion of stress-relief and relaxation made me a much better mom. I was exhausted and frustrated with her extreme energy levels; nursing mellowed me out and made me fall in love over and over. Not that I wasn’t in love, but–you know? It was a tough year.
Then came a yucky winter when every kid we knew had an awful two-week bout with rotovirus. Three of her close friends were hospitalized for hydration and observation. My girl stayed well–and I knew that if she did get sick, I’d have the perfect food for her. She has never had an ear infection or remotely serious illness, thanks to some mix of good luck and good nutrition. I’d like to think the breastmilk played a part.
Eventually, sometime around her second birthday, we cut back to nursing only first thing in the morning. She’d quit napping before age two and still could not sleep through the night. She’d awaken with a flourish and keep up the unbelievable energy level ALL. DAY. LONG. My husband and I were exhausted. So for our morning nursings we’d let her get in bed with us (rule: the sun had to be up) and nurse for fifteen minutes. It was our calmest, sweetest time of the day, and we all loved it.
That next Thanksgiving, when she was turning two and a half, my parents visited for four days. Ava got up each of those mornings and went first to find her Nana and Granddaddy, instead of getting in bed with us. I realized this was it. About a week later, she remembered–hey, I’ve been forgetting to go to mom!–but I gently told her we were stopping. It made me very sad, but we had a great run. She protested a bit and moved on.
Now we’ve got a new baby coming in a few weeks. It will be interesting to see what this new child will want and need….
Sorry for the book, but your great post got me reminiscing!
- L
June 5th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Andrea @ Sweet Life says:
My 1 year old daughter has food allergies. Both our lactation consultant and the pediatric allergist have said that the longer I nurse her, the more likely it is that she’ll outgrow her allergies. Breastmilk is like a soothing balm to her intestines, which were under attack for months as we tried to figure out what was “wrong” with her. Not only do I nurse her a couple of times a day (other than that she will not sit still long enough)I also pump so that she can have as much breastmilk as possible. Pumping gets in the way some times, sure, but breast milk is such a wonderful substance… the best medicine money can’t buy! So I’ll continue to breastfeed until my girl outgrows her allergies or she decides she no longer wants to.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Tara says:
Sometimes I think, “WOW – how does she do it?” Sometimes I wish I hadn’t been so “pushy” to help dd wean, but she didn’t protest, so that’s why I think she was ready. But most of the time I’m glad that I’m only nursing one again.
You can really be proud of yourself, Amy! It is so difficult to keep going – difficult to continue to give so much of yourself. And BOY! isn’t it difficult to keep nursing two! That was so challenging for me, so you have all my admiration :)
June 6th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Nina says:
I think it is important for those who think breast feeding a preschooler is *bad* that in many, many parts of the world this is quite normal. Only with the invasion of TVs and computers (whereby the views of more advanced countries are shown) have many moms stopped breastfeeding after about 1 year….they seem to think that the entire world is like that….
My mother was a midwife before she married my father and she very, very strongly rec. breast feeding until the child was ready to wean on his/her own….and this was back in the 50′s!
June 8th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Maria says:
I’m still nursing my son, but he’s only 17 months. When I started, I wanted to make 6 months. That was my goal. I got to six and there was no way I was going to stop. I adjusted my goal to 1 year. As 1 year was nearing, I cried even thinking about weaning, so we continue on. Some days are harder than others, but each time he cuts out a session, I feel a little sad! He still nurses for naps, bedtime and whenever he asks in the evening/night, but he asks less and less. Thanks for reminding me that continuing to nurse is more normal than it seems. :)
June 9th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Christina says:
My 2 year old shows no sign of weaning. In fact he is drinking so much I’ve been losing a lot of weight. Hence the late night snacks and indiscriminate consumption of buttered toast at 1am. Or else I wake up with gastric.
Still, I am so happy to have found your post. It is very encouraging and I am glad I’m not the only mom nursing her child past 2 (especially amid a ton of criticism here)!
We’re taking each day as it comes and I’ll nurse for as long as he is happy to have mama’s milk. Just tonight he made a leap for the breast in his sleep.
June 10th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Andrea says:
My son nursed until about a month after his 4th birthday. He had slowly dropped off, just like Ava, and by the time he was 4, it was down to about every other night. Then, it quickly went to every few days, then, it had been several days, and I asked him if he thought he’d ever nurse again. He thought for a minute, then he looked at me and said, “..Nah.” And that was that! It was kidn of bittersweet. I wish I’d known that the last time he nursed was the LAST TIME!!
He remembers nursing, and I’m hoping that will help him when he becomes a dad someday. Maybe he’ll encourage his wife to breastfeed. :)
June 11th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Breastfeeding until age 3, 4, or 5: more common than you think? | Crunchy Domestic Goddess says:
[...] wrote my thoughts about this shortly before her fourth birthday in a post titled On Nursing a Preschooler. I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew [...]
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:21 am
James Akre says:
I’m as delighted to read your post “On nursing a preschooler” as I am the numerous supportive messages from your readers. This is just one more convincing signal that the breastfeeding counterrevolution is truly under way. My best wishes to you all. And for one more example of why you are not alone, you will surely be interested in hearing about the research of Karleen Gribble in Australia:
http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/node/8587
January 2nd, 2009 at 5:34 am
Wendy says:
Thank you for your post. I am still nusing my almost 4 yr old daughter about once a day. I didn’t think we would nurse so long but she doesn’t seem to want to stop just yet and I really don’t want to either. I will truely miss our special time together. I have three girls and have nursed them all. My first until age 2, my second until she was 2 1/2. This will probably be my last so I think that is one of the reasons I will be so sad. Also, A little over a year ago my children all got whooping cough and because my little one was still nusing I believe that is why she was affected the least. Thank you for sharing. Peace
February 6th, 2009 at 9:46 am
cheryl says:
wow, this is very nice to read. i came online searching for… i’m not quite sure. my daughter will turn 4 in exactly 2 months. we still nurse, i was very adamant about letting her self wean. i had a baby about 5 months ago, and i was in heaven thinking about nursing the two of them. then, it happened, i joyously went to nurse the two of my loves and, i hated it. i don’t know if it was the feeling of the different suckling sensations or what. all i know is that i would cringe, tense up, it was pretty severe. i would just cry and to boot, because of the new baby, my daughter wanted to nurse more than even he did! well, with time and persistence, we worked it out, so nearly 5 months later, she still nurses-alot and i’m ready to throw her a weaning party. i’m a little bummed because i really wanted her to decide for herself but at this point, i just don’t enjoy it. if she would settle for a good before bedtime nurse, i would love it. but for her, it is all or nothing. she just won’t go for a one timer at night thing. and with me always nursing her brother, she’s got constant temptation. so, we have said, you will be 4 and you are a big girl now, and we are having a party. she seems to think this is fine…. we’ll see.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Steve McPhail says:
As a very strong supporter of extended breastfeeding; I honestly believe that Ava as a 4 year old is still not too old much less too big to still be breastfeeding; Perhaps maybe this is one of Ava’s ways of bonding with her mother.
I honestly believe that mothers who continue to breastfeed their children past the infant and toddler stage is so beautiful and touching. I only wish more mothers would decide to continue to breastfeed their older children; there’s nothing absolutely wrong with it. Besides I strongly believe that the greatest way a mother can instantly bond with her child (regardless of the age) is through breastfeeding!!. I also believe that if Ava’s mother wishes to continue breastfeeding that is no one’s business except hers. Besides, she’s only giving Ava the very best and nutritious milk in all the world… Her Breastmilk!!
Ava, as far as I’m concerned… you can continue breastfeeding for as long as your little heart desires!!
August 19th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Crunchy Domestic Goddess » Child-led Weaning: They Aren’t Going to Nurse Forever says:
[...] to Nurse Forever August 30, 2010 A little more than two years ago, I wrote about my experiences nursing a preschooler. At the time I discussed the fact that my nearly 4-year-old daughter was still nursing and how I [...]
August 30th, 2010 at 5:40 pm