Guest post: The emotional aspects of being a doula

While I’m on vacation until Aug. 9, I’m featuring several guest bloggers. Today’s post comes from Sheridan of Enjoy Birth.

The Trust Birth Conference was very interesting. It was fun talking with other doulas there. We had one group discussion and someone talked about how our work as doulas can be effected by our births.

It made me think of my 2 cesareans I have attended as a doula.

I always was nervous how supporting a mom with a cesarean would effect me, because of my first birth. I had an emergency cesarean at 34 weeks. It was scary, my baby was in the NICU, I didn’t get to hold him for 24 hours. It was medically necessary, but still not anything I would want any mom to experience.

So I was talking to this doula about this and came to realize how God had really helped me deal with the ability to suport moms during cesareans, while not letting my emotions from my birth get in the way. He did this in an interesting way.

My first cesarean was Mom B and it was not an emergency situation. It unraveled over 24 hours. A long induction for a first time mom. Exhaustion was the real reason for the cesarean. She was well supported and respected and made the best choice for the situation she was in. It was still hard for me to accept in some ways. It was still quite devastating, because I knew what she was losing and gaining in her choice.

Since it happened slowly, I had time to come to grips with the situation and help support her through that. It wasn’t really until afterwards that I broke down. (There were many facets to that, it was the end of being away from my house for pretty much 57 hours for 2 long inductions.) But driving home I called Jenn, my good friend and all I could say was, “She got a cesarean.” and then started crying and couldn’t really stop. Jenn is a cesarean mom too, so she understood. I still tear up thinking about it and it was 5 months ago.

Fast forward to 2 months ago and I am at another birth. Mom K is on pitocin after supposed PROM. OB checks her and she has bulging forewaters, so she goes to break that, without even planning on telling mom. I jump in to say, “Looks like OB is going to break your water!”

Baby doesn’t tolerate it well at all, they try changing positions, then try amnioinfusion. I can tell things are getting dicey. Suddenly OB is in there and without telling K anything, putting in an internal monitor. I am calmly telling mom what is going on. Then OB goes for second Internal Monitor, I say to K, “It looks like you might be going for a cesarean.” OB calls Code Green, room fills with people. No one is talking to K at all. The room is in chaos. I feel totally calm. I say to K, “Go to your special place. You and your baby will be fine.” Mom and Dad are gone within minutes.

I am left alone in the room. I still feel calm. This was the situation I was most afraid of. Being in a situations close to Devon’s birth. But in reality I think that first birth with B, helped prepare me for this cesarean. It helped me deal with a lot of my emotions regarding Devon’s birth, so that I could be present and calm for K when I needed to be.

K and baby were fine. I loved that she was able to recover back in her room with baby in the room with her. She was holding him skin to skin within an hour after he was born.

It was a much easier birth for me to deal with as a doula. It was medically necessary (though I see very clearly different interventions may have caused that necessity). I was able to provide support before and after. I didn’t shed any tears, though I do feel sorry for K that she joined the sisterhood of the scar. It is something I do not wish for anyone.

Written by Sheridan Ripley –Hypnobabies Instructor, Hypno-doula, Proud VBAC mom, Loving Lactivist, Positive Birth Story Collector and mom of 3 Busy Boys.

Her OC Hypnobabies Website is www.enjoybirth.com. Her Positive Birth Stories Website is www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com.

Her Blogs http://enjoybirth.wordpress.com and http://hypnobabies.wordpress.com.

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7 thoughts on “Guest post: The emotional aspects of being a doula

  1. Pingback: Guest post: The emotional aspects of being a doula

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  4. I considered training to be a doula before deciding on nursing school. My experiences in labor and delivery during school confirmed that I had made the right choice. The bad outcomes were just too much for me.
    I deeply admire you for what you do.

  5. My first birth ended in a cesarean after a long labor and never progressing past 2 cm. due to misaligned head. My second was supposed to be a homebirth after cesarean but her cord prolapsed when her water broke and hours of inversion didn’t make things better. The second time around I had midwives and a doula supporting me and while the end result was the same, I have fond memories of everything about my labor up until we realized a trip to the hospital was in order.

    The support of a doula is so wonderful, even when things don’t go exactly as planned.

  6. How wonderful that you were there for those moms, though–especially the one whose doctor didn’t see fit to tell her anything! If you hadn’t been there, it probably would have been much more emotionally scarring.

    I wish I’d had a doula for my hospital birth. It was scary, but at least my doctor was considerate of my feelings and I didn’t end up with a C-section. It’s apalling how some women are treated in the hospital.

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