Five years ago today my life experienced a dramatic change – for the better. It was five years ago today, with the birth of my daughter Ava, that I became a mother.
It’s amazing to me how something like becoming a mother can be such a profound experience, but I really feel that I wasn’t able to fully discover who I was until that life-changing event. That’s not to say that the moment my daughter was born a lightbulb went off over my head and I knew my purpose in life, but being a mother has caused me to experience life and think about things in ways I don’t think I would have been able to otherwise.
The past five years have been enlightening, maddening, exciting, challenging, amazing, frightening, hilarious, beautiful, heart-wrenching, and joyful – sometimes all at once! Motherhood is unlike any other experience I’ve ever had and I am so thankful I am able to be a part of it.
A couple days ago I was rereading a journal I kept before Ava was conceived. There are only a few entries in it, but this one in particular, from Aug. 31, 2003, stood out. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this on my blog before or not, but Jody and I did not have an easy time conceiving her and actually had to have a little help via the IUI (intrauterine insemination) route. I wrote about my sadness and wanting so badly to be pregnant, to have that experience of being a mother.
“I am so looking forward to nurturing, teaching and sharing our lives and the world with our child(ren). I am looking forward to that first smile, the first laugh, the first step, the first words, hearing “I love you, Mom” and absolutely everything else that goes along with it.
I know I will never take my child for granted.”
Rereading that journal entry was a good reminder for me of how hard we fought to get Ava in our lives in the first place. And even though being a mother can be very challenging at times, it is also so rewarding and something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I feel so fortunate that I have been able to experience all of those “firsts” not once, but twice with both Ava and Julian. Motherhood is an incredible gift and I feel so blessed to get to experience it.
Thank you, Ava, for making me a mom and getting me started on a path of self-discovery I may have missed out on otherwise. I am a better person because of you. I hope your birthday and year are filled with as much magic and wonder as you bring to my life every day. I love you.