Guest post
My dear friend Heather from A Mama’s Blog wrote this beautiful tribute to my sister Carrie who died unexpectedly this week. At this time I am unable to form coherent sentences, so with her permission, I am reposting it below.
If you read my blog regularly, you know one of my best friends is Amy whose blog is Crunchy Domestic Goddess. In the last post I wrote about my friends who I have been friends with since our children were born. Amy is one of those friends. I’ve written a lot about Amy over the past few years. She has been there for me in every way possible and then some when I was fighting cancer, going through a divorce, and dealing with my mom’s sudden illness and death.
I received some heartbreaking news from her yesterday morning. Her younger and only sister, Carrie, was killed in a car accident Monday night. She was returning from visiting friends in the mountains, the roads were icy, and the weather was bad. Carrie lost control of her car and was hit head on by a truck. She passed away instantly.
Over the years I’ve gotten to know Carrie too and she was always a joy to be around. She had a beautiful smile, and I can’t recall ever seeing her not smiling. She helped all of us out with our kids when she could. For our surprise going away party for Julie, just weeks ago, she watched several of our kids, so we could have an adult party. She was a terrific aunt to Amy’s two children, and she was an amazing sister to Amy.
When I first heard this terrible news, I started to cry, and cried all day off and on. So did my friends. We are all in such disbelief, shock, and grief. Carrie was only 31, had recently finished law school and had a job advocating for people with disabilities. It is tragic her life was cut so short.
I visited Amy briefly on Tuesday, and it is not often I am at a loss for words. But I was, and still am. I wish there were magic words I could say to make this terrible situation go away. Nothing anyone can say or do will bring Carrie back to her family, or ease the pain and anguish Amy and her family are in.
I think about my friends, and my own two sisters and brother. While losing my mom was awful, in some aspects I think it is more “natural” than losing a sibling so early in life. Parents age- our siblings and friends are supposed to live long lives, and certainly not die in terrible freak accidents.
And it brought back many feelings of my mom’s death- again. All the feelings- the intense pain, and the sense of helplessness. I had a few friends who told me they could not attend my mom’s funeral service, because they had lost a parent, or a loved one recently. I understood, and could imagine how they felt, but didn’t really “get it.” Sadly today, I do. And part of me wants to forget this happened and not think about it death, dying, accidents, funerals, moving on after a loved one is gone, what to say or what to do, anymore.
There will be a service for Carrie on Saturday, and I am going to attend. It meant so much to me to see the people who had come to say good-bye to my mom with my family and I, and Amy was one of those friends who was there for me on that very hard day. I hope I can be strong and be a help and a comfort to Amy and her family instead of a hindrance while I try to keep control of my own feelings and emotions about my mom.
I wish I had some clever way to wrap up this post, but I don’t. Death leaves more questions than answers. The only thing that does seem to help is time.
To Amy and her family: My deepest sympathies, and may Carrie rest in peace.
Carrie & Amy, May 2010
Stumble it!
Caitlin says:
I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your sister. I don’t have the right words to say, but you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
October 27th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Tegan @ TisBest says:
I’m so sorry you have to experience this depth of loss, Amy. I wish peace for you and your family.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Amber says:
I’m so sorry for your loss, Amy. You, and your family, are in my thoughts.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Angela says:
I am so so sorry for your loss. Prayers to you.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
SJ says:
My heart breaks for you Amy and for your family. I wish you peace and healing in the days to come, you all are in my thoughts.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
GP says:
I’m at a loss. That is so heart breaking I don’t even know what to say. What a beautiful sounding person. Life makes no sense. So much love to you and your family poppet. <3
October 27th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Holly says:
I’m soooo, soooo sorry. This is such terrible news. :(
October 27th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Tina says:
I am so sorry for your loss. Even though I have never spoken with you before, I feel connected to you though your blog. I am sending love to you and your family in this terrible time.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Julie says:
I am so very sorry for your loss. My sister is the same age and has the same name, so it’s all too easy to imagine being in your position, although I’m sure the heartbreak is truly unimaginable. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family.
October 27th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
KT says:
I’m so sorry to hear abour your sister. It sounds like she was a great woman.
October 27th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Sybil says:
So sorry, Amy. And everyone who Carrie deeply touched. My thoughts are with you all.
October 27th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Cheryl says:
Oh Amy, I’m sooooooooo sorry! Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do. You and your family are in my thoughts, prayers, and heart. Much love, Cheryl (@jasperblu)
October 27th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Heather says:
Amy, my thoughts are with you as you celebrate your sisters life. I still have in my mind’s eye the picture of her as the Morton salt lady. She seems like a brilliant fabulous woman who was lucky to have you as a sister.
October 27th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Tez says:
I don’t even want to put the words “sister” and “death” in the same sentence. I cannot imagine the pain you are in, and I honestly don’t want to. I’m so sorry, so so sorry that you are having to say good-bye to such a precious part of your life.
I wish you strength, I wish you courage, and I wish you grace to celebrate her life in a way that honors her and gives you a sense of her presence lingering.
“I had to say good bye to someone close to me today.
I say it over and over again,
but I can’t get it through my head.
I love you dearly,
and my heart wants you near.
It is too hard to say,
too hard to think.
Good bye.”
October 27th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Josee says:
Amy, you and your family are in our ardent prayers. We pray that you are surrounded with much love right now.
October 27th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Rae says:
I’m a recent follower to your blog and I wanted to express my heartfelt condolences. My thoughts are with you and your family.
October 27th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Autumn Tao says:
Terribly sorry for your loss. Sending healing vibes your way.
October 27th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Julie says:
Amy, this is unthinkable, I’m so very sorry for your loss. (longtime reader but infrequent commenter).
October 27th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
luna says:
I am so very sorry for this unfathomable loss. there are no words. holding you in my heart and wishing you healing and strength.
October 27th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
St. Louis Smart Mama says:
I have two younger sisters and can only imagine what you must be going through. I’m fairly new to your blog and have never commented before, but wanted to express my deepest condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
October 27th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Marie says:
I’ve been following you for a few years now but have never commented until now. I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister Amy. You and your family are in my prayers. May you find comfort and strength in the arms of your loved ones during this time.
October 27th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Adventures In Babywearing says:
It was so hard to get through this post for the tears. I am just so very sorry. I wish there was something I could do.
Steph
October 27th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
Micaela @Mindful Momma says:
Amy,
What a tragic loss – I am so very sorry. I’ll be thinking of you this weekend as you celebrate Carrie’s life. How wonderful you have such a good friend in Heather (whom I was lucky to meet IRL this summer) to write this post for you.
All my best,
Micaela
October 27th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
halloweenlover says:
Oh Amy. I’m crying right now reading this post. I wish there was something I could say or do to take away even the tiniest bit of your pain.
Much love being sent your way. I’ll be thinking about you and your whole family.
October 27th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Jferrante says:
What a tragic loss. I’m so very sorry. Your sister sounds amazing. My sister has a child with disabilities and anyone who would devote their career to advocacy for those in need of it most, must have been a truly kind hearted and giving individual. Sending prayers for strength and comfort for the extremely difficult days & months ahead. Jennifer in Austin
October 27th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
erin k says:
I’m so very sorry for your loss – You and your family will be in my prayers.
October 27th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Hillary says:
Amy, I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you.
October 27th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Lauren @ Hobo Mama says:
That is so terribly heartbreaking. I’m so sorry, Amy, and wish you and your family peace as you mourn.
October 27th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
MamaWendy says:
I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts.
October 27th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Christina in Ohio says:
So sad for all of you. And as a fellow anxiety sufferer, extra worried about you. Sending thoughts of peace to you and your family.
October 28th, 2010 at 3:22 am
Eva says:
So sorry for you and your family. I am blessed with 4 sisters and dread anything happening to them. Sending prayers!
October 28th, 2010 at 5:21 am
Leigh Anne in TN says:
Amy,
I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for two years now and it saddens me that your sister passed. Prayers for you, your family and friends.
Leigh Anne
October 28th, 2010 at 5:48 am
Kate M says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that the love and support of your community brings your family peace during this very difficult time.
October 28th, 2010 at 7:53 am
Megan at SortaCrunchy says:
Oh Amy. Oh my goodness. I am so, so, so sorry for your heartbreaking, devastating loss. I have two sisters – I know that bond. I cannot even fathom your pain.
My heart and my prayers are with you and your family.
October 28th, 2010 at 8:50 am
Glennen says:
I’m so sorry for your loss.
October 28th, 2010 at 9:10 am
kelly @kellynaturally says:
Amy, I’m so very sorry. ((hugs))
My thoughts are with you.
October 28th, 2010 at 9:18 am
Sommer says:
My heart breaks for your family and your loss. Carrie seems like a wonderful person and what a tragic and sad ending – too soon! My prayers are with you. I think of my own sister and I just start crying at the thought and your pain.
(BIG hugs) =(
October 28th, 2010 at 9:46 am
Cathy says:
My heart goes out to you Amy – this is like being sucker punched in the gut and it will feel like that for a while, but your sister sounds like an amazing woman you were so very lucky to have each other. Peace and healing to you and your family.
October 28th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Jen says:
I send you and your family my deepest sympathy.
October 28th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Cole Deelah says:
I am so so sorry to hear this, Amy. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. My heart breaks for you.
October 28th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Summer says:
So sorry for your loss. Kindest thoughts to you.
October 28th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Amy P. says:
Amy, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear sister. I remember the blog posts you made about Carrie and she sounded like such a wonderful person: a kind aunt and fantastic sister. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time of grief.
with love,
Amy Praphantanathorn
October 28th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Fran says:
My younger sister also died suddenly about three years ago. While it’s hard to understand how this could have happened to her, it was comforting to know that she is remembered as a kind, loving person that cared for others. I hope you find comfort in the words of your friend who obviously cared for your sister a great deal.
October 29th, 2010 at 4:15 am
Raquel says:
This is tragic news. You and your family are in my thoughts.
October 29th, 2010 at 8:56 am
erica says:
my prayers & thoughts are with you
October 29th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Lisa Stone says:
Amy, my heart is breaking for you and your family. I can only imagine how much you meant to her too. Thinking of you. xo
October 29th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Angela says:
My condolences Amy. You spoke of her with such fondness on Facebook and the like. She must have known how much you cared for her and appreciated her in your life.
October 29th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Brigid says:
I have been reading your blog for just a short time, but I am shocked and so saddened by your loss. My sister is the closest person to me in the world. I’ve often thought that I wouldn’t know what to do if anything happened to her. I’m just so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.
October 30th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
A Green Spell says:
I cannot express my sadness for you at this time. Having a younger sister, myself, I can only imagine the pain you are in. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am so very sorry.
October 30th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Ellie says:
Oh Amy, I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest and heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
October 30th, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting says:
I am so sorry for your loss, Amy. I am even sorrier to have not known about this sooner to have offered love, support and help in any way. Please let me know if there’s anything you need. Much love to you, always. xoxo
October 31st, 2010 at 11:29 am
Alyssa says:
I wish I could hug you through the computer although a stranger hugging you through a screen doesn’t sound creepy at all. I lost my younger sister in a car accident. My heart aches for you. It’s so hard to have someone suddenly taken away and nothing anyone can say can really heal the pain. Just know that many strangers are thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts to get you through the intense/crippling grief. In time, the crying phases will be outnumbered by the happy memory flashbacks. Sending you love,
Alyssa
October 31st, 2010 at 12:04 pm
ClassyMommy says:
Amy – I am so horribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful sister. This is heartbreaking and this post has brought me to tears.I feel like I know you so well from reading your blog & tweets although I think we’ve only meant in person maybe once. As Alyssa says above, I hope it can help to know that strangers and your online “moms” are all thinking of you and praying for your family during this terrible time. xo colleen
October 31st, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Hannah @A Mother in Israel says:
Oh, Amy, I’m so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with your family at this difficult time.
October 31st, 2010 at 9:25 pm
Anonymous says:
So deeply sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family~xoxo
November 1st, 2010 at 7:06 am
MommyNamedApril says:
my heart is broken for you. (((hugs)))
November 1st, 2010 at 10:01 am
CrunchyCarolinaGirl says:
i am so sorry for your loss. my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. (appreciative reader who rarely comments…)
November 2nd, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Hope says:
I am so incredibly sad for your loss. I am so sorry. Words can’t express, nothing can describe what you are experiencing. My prayers are with you.
November 2nd, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Isil says:
Amy,I am so sorry.You are in my thoughts.
November 2nd, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Mija says:
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I couldn’t stop crying while I was reading Heather’s post.
God bless you and your family during this time of need.
November 3rd, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Lynn from OrganicMania.com says:
Amy,
I just checked in to your blog tonight to see if you had posted, how you were doing, and to let you know I’m still thinking of you.
Again, my deepest condolences.
And what a beautiful tribute to Carrie. Thank you for posting.
Lynn
November 4th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Nell says:
Oh Gosh, Amy… I’m speechless. So, so sorry.
Nell
November 5th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
Laura says:
Amy, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine the pain that losing a sibling so suddenly would cause. You’re in my thoughts.
November 7th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Liesl says:
Amy,
I am so so sorry to hear this news. What an awful loss. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Liesl
November 7th, 2010 at 6:22 pm
Crunchy Domestic Goddess » My sister Carrie says:
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November 8th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
christian louboutin says:
I know this is really boring and you are skipping to the next comment, but I just wanted to throw you a big thanks – you cleared up some things for me!
November 14th, 2010 at 8:33 pm