May She Rest In Peace

Guest post
My dear friend Heather from A Mama’s Blog wrote this beautiful tribute to my sister Carrie who died unexpectedly this week. At this time I am unable to form coherent sentences, so with her permission, I am reposting it below.

If you read my blog regularly, you know one of my best friends is Amy whose blog is Crunchy Domestic Goddess.  In the last post I wrote about my friends who I have been friends with since our children were born.  Amy is one of those friends. I’ve written a lot about Amy over the past few years.  She has been there for me in every way possible and then some when I was fighting cancer, going through a divorce, and dealing with my mom’s sudden illness and death.

I received some heartbreaking news from her yesterday morning.  Her younger and only sister, Carrie, was killed in a car accident Monday night.  She was returning from visiting friends in the mountains, the roads were icy, and the weather was bad.  Carrie lost control of her car and was hit head on by a truck.  She passed away instantly.

Over the years I’ve gotten to know Carrie too and she was always a joy to be around.  She had a beautiful smile, and I can’t recall ever seeing her not smiling.  She helped all of us out with our kids when she could.  For our surprise going away party for Julie, just weeks ago, she watched several of our kids, so we could have an adult party.  She was a terrific aunt to Amy’s two children, and she was an amazing sister to Amy.

When I first heard this terrible news, I started to cry, and cried all day off and on. So did my friends.  We are all in such disbelief, shock, and grief.  Carrie was only 31, had recently finished law school and had a job advocating for people with disabilities.  It is tragic her life was cut so short.

I visited Amy briefly on Tuesday, and it is not often I am at a loss for words.  But I was, and still am.  I wish there were magic words I could say to make this terrible situation go away.  Nothing anyone can say or do will bring Carrie back to her family, or ease the pain and anguish Amy and her family are in.

I think about my friends, and my own two sisters and brother.  While losing my mom was awful, in some aspects I think it is more “natural” than losing a sibling so early in life.  Parents age- our siblings and friends are supposed to live long lives, and certainly not die in terrible freak accidents.

And it brought back many feelings of my mom’s death- again.  All the feelings- the intense pain, and the sense of helplessness.  I had a few friends who told me they could not attend my mom’s funeral service, because they had lost a parent, or a loved one recently.  I understood, and could imagine how they felt, but didn’t really “get it.” Sadly today, I do.  And part of me wants to forget this happened and not think about it death, dying, accidents, funerals, moving on after a loved one is gone, what to say or what to do, anymore.

There will be a service for Carrie on Saturday, and I am going to attend.  It meant so much to me to see the people who had come to say good-bye to my mom with my family and I, and Amy was one of those friends who was there for me on that very hard day.  I hope I can be strong and be a help and a comfort to Amy and her family instead of a hindrance while I try to keep control of my own feelings and emotions about my mom.

I wish I had some clever way to wrap up this post, but I don’t.  Death leaves more questions than answers.  The only thing that does seem to help is time.

To Amy and her family: My deepest sympathies, and may Carrie rest in peace.

Carrie & Amy, May 2010

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66 thoughts on “May She Rest In Peace

  1. I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your sister. I don’t have the right words to say, but you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. My heart breaks for you Amy and for your family. I wish you peace and healing in the days to come, you all are in my thoughts.

  3. I’m at a loss. That is so heart breaking I don’t even know what to say. What a beautiful sounding person. Life makes no sense. So much love to you and your family poppet. <3

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. Even though I have never spoken with you before, I feel connected to you though your blog. I am sending love to you and your family in this terrible time.

  5. I am so very sorry for your loss. My sister is the same age and has the same name, so it’s all too easy to imagine being in your position, although I’m sure the heartbreak is truly unimaginable. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family.

  6. Oh Amy, I’m sooooooooo sorry! Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do. You and your family are in my thoughts, prayers, and heart. Much love, Cheryl (@jasperblu)

  7. Amy, my thoughts are with you as you celebrate your sisters life. I still have in my mind’s eye the picture of her as the Morton salt lady. She seems like a brilliant fabulous woman who was lucky to have you as a sister.

  8. I don’t even want to put the words “sister” and “death” in the same sentence. I cannot imagine the pain you are in, and I honestly don’t want to. I’m so sorry, so so sorry that you are having to say good-bye to such a precious part of your life.
    I wish you strength, I wish you courage, and I wish you grace to celebrate her life in a way that honors her and gives you a sense of her presence lingering.

    “I had to say good bye to someone close to me today.
    I say it over and over again,
    but I can’t get it through my head.
    I love you dearly,
    and my heart wants you near.
    It is too hard to say,
    too hard to think.
    Good bye.”

  9. I’m a recent follower to your blog and I wanted to express my heartfelt condolences. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  10. Amy, this is unthinkable, I’m so very sorry for your loss. (longtime reader but infrequent commenter).

  11. I am so very sorry for this unfathomable loss. there are no words. holding you in my heart and wishing you healing and strength.

  12. I have two younger sisters and can only imagine what you must be going through. I’m fairly new to your blog and have never commented before, but wanted to express my deepest condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. I’ve been following you for a few years now but have never commented until now. I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister Amy. You and your family are in my prayers. May you find comfort and strength in the arms of your loved ones during this time.

  14. Amy,

    What a tragic loss – I am so very sorry. I’ll be thinking of you this weekend as you celebrate Carrie’s life. How wonderful you have such a good friend in Heather (whom I was lucky to meet IRL this summer) to write this post for you.
    All my best,
    Micaela

  15. Oh Amy. I’m crying right now reading this post. I wish there was something I could say or do to take away even the tiniest bit of your pain.

    Much love being sent your way. I’ll be thinking about you and your whole family.

  16. What a tragic loss. I’m so very sorry. Your sister sounds amazing. My sister has a child with disabilities and anyone who would devote their career to advocacy for those in need of it most, must have been a truly kind hearted and giving individual. Sending prayers for strength and comfort for the extremely difficult days & months ahead. Jennifer in Austin

  17. So sad for all of you. And as a fellow anxiety sufferer, extra worried about you. Sending thoughts of peace to you and your family.

  18. So sorry for you and your family. I am blessed with 4 sisters and dread anything happening to them. Sending prayers!

  19. Amy,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for two years now and it saddens me that your sister passed. Prayers for you, your family and friends.

    Leigh Anne

  20. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that the love and support of your community brings your family peace during this very difficult time.

  21. Oh Amy. Oh my goodness. I am so, so, so sorry for your heartbreaking, devastating loss. I have two sisters – I know that bond. I cannot even fathom your pain.

    My heart and my prayers are with you and your family.

  22. My heart breaks for your family and your loss. Carrie seems like a wonderful person and what a tragic and sad ending – too soon! My prayers are with you. I think of my own sister and I just start crying at the thought and your pain.

    (BIG hugs) =(

  23. My heart goes out to you Amy – this is like being sucker punched in the gut and it will feel like that for a while, but your sister sounds like an amazing woman you were so very lucky to have each other. Peace and healing to you and your family.

  24. Amy, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear sister. I remember the blog posts you made about Carrie and she sounded like such a wonderful person: a kind aunt and fantastic sister. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time of grief.

    with love,
    Amy Praphantanathorn

  25. My younger sister also died suddenly about three years ago. While it’s hard to understand how this could have happened to her, it was comforting to know that she is remembered as a kind, loving person that cared for others. I hope you find comfort in the words of your friend who obviously cared for your sister a great deal.

  26. My condolences Amy. You spoke of her with such fondness on Facebook and the like. She must have known how much you cared for her and appreciated her in your life.

  27. I have been reading your blog for just a short time, but I am shocked and so saddened by your loss. My sister is the closest person to me in the world. I’ve often thought that I wouldn’t know what to do if anything happened to her. I’m just so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

  28. I cannot express my sadness for you at this time. Having a younger sister, myself, I can only imagine the pain you are in. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am so very sorry.

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