16 Comments

  1. The Thomas Campbell poem was one brought to my attention soon after we lost our friend suddenly in 2004. I truly feel his presence in many of the decisions I make even today – his impact was that meaningful to my life.

    Even though I don’t always see eye to eye with you, since meeting you a year and a half ago, I have learned so much from you. Because of that, I am so very glad you posted this evening.

    May 2011 be kinder and may the happy memories of Carrie carry you through the tough days.

  2. I’m glad you decided to write one last blog post for 2010. I felt like I owed you every word and nuance you wrote vs. skimming for the most valuable parts, like eating the yummy part of the asparagus and discarding the tougher stems.

    I’m grateful for all I have and have never experienced a loss like yours. How you feel only exists in my imagination, and I am amazed at what you are able to pull off in the midst of your grief. There is a driving force within that transcends the grief to continue being the best mom you can be to your children.

    You are a superhero mom to me. Not because you are perfect and pull it all together without a hitch. It’s because you’re not afraid to admit that you don’t always do it 100% perfect 100% of the time.

  3. An outstanding blog, Amy. I, too, am still in a “brain fog”, still trying to deny Carrie’s passing, but also feeling that she is around me. She can still inspire you and will if you are open to it. Hopefully, this new year will be full of growth, good health, new experiences and happiness.
    I love you and am so proud of the mother, wife, activist, and writer you have become.

  4. Just want you to know how VERY proud I am of you. You’re doing all the right things. Carrie will live forever – forever young – like Gina and be w/ us always. Love you, Aunt Jo

  5. Love the Emerson quote too. It is never to soon. Lots of hugs to you as you come to terms with a new year without such an important part of your life to do it with. May strength be your friend as you navigate this new road.
    Jen

  6. Beautiful! Just beautiful!

  7. I wish for you a wonderful 2011. I wish for you that in one year’s time you can look back on this post and be at peace. I wish for you to gain strength from all those who support you. I wish for you a Happy New Year.

  8. I love the notion of experiences over things, one of my focuses for the new year. Thinking of you, hope to see you sooner than later!

  9. This made me cry. I’m so sorry that Carrie is gone and I wish with all my heart that I could give her back to you so you didn’t have to leave denial. Because you’re my friend and because I have a sister too I think of you daily and mourn with you. She will always be remembered.

    In other news – I know what you mean!! I’m “flakey” like that too right now. It drives me absolutely bat shit insane!! I’ve gone so far as to FORGET TO PICK A KID UP AT SCHOOL and I spend most of my life doing really dumb things. Like dropping stuff. Or how every time I walk to the corner of the kitchen I accidentally dump whatever I’m carrying (water, tea, oil, salad dressing, baking mix….) into the lazy suzan in the corner. I too burnt myself this week – I saw dirt on the burner so went to scrape it off, forgetting that the burner was on. It’s getting really old and i’m tired of being in a fog. I wonder why my brain is like this – and that yours is too. Stress? Lack of sleep? Anyways, you are certainly not alone in that. We can be brain dead buddies :p

  10. Dear Amy –
    I did not know your sister and I actually started reading your blog right around the time of your loss. Through your words and others who knew her its as though I can feel a brightness of who she was and I know she is a permanent imprint on who you will always be.
    Thank you for sharing this final blog of the year. I will be praying for you that you find your own special way to find solace.
    ~Jessica

  11. Happy New Year!!! I know 2011 is going to be better.

  12. I am so sorry for your loss. I can so empathize with your every word. I lost my husband and unborn daughter in a car accident in 2008. Our 3 year and I survived. Being a mom, having those lovely, tiny faces that need so much from us, can help greatly in keeping us strong in the midst of grief. They also make us love more deeply because we know that time can be short.
    Do take the time to nurture yourself, find the moments of joy that inevitably sneek up on you and bask in them! Give yourself permission to sneak off, fall completely apart and put yourself back together again… it’s amazing how a good, hard cry can cleanse your soul.
    I hope the new year brings you may blessings, joyous moments and wonderful new memories!

  13. I have this idea you see….Bold and decisive Carrie came up and sang with our band at a smokey sober club, and I got this idea you see….I talked the Bass player into joining us, (his basement was the rehearsal space), and with a new Shure mic and a scratchy PA, we started a new adventure. And as if she didn’t already have toooo much going on.

    Carrie had fun. She smiled a lot. We played live at a party. It was excellent. Thanks Carrie S. And thanks Amy for this……Idea. EO

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