Today I celebrate my 33rd birthday. Thirty-three years of laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, learning, growing, evolving, loving, living.

For some reason, this number - 33 - has been hard for me. Perhaps because I’m nearly one-third of a century (gah) old now. Perhaps because the days, weeks, months and years seem to be going by faster and faster than ever before. Perhaps because I’ve been taking a mental inventory of my life and haven’t been particularly happy with some of my discoveries. Perhaps a combination of these things.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, a charmed life. But I’ve recently had to be honest with myself about how much I can realistically commit to doing and still feel good about the kind of parent I am. I want to do it all. All of us moms do. We want to juggle all of the balls and keep them all up in the air, and, if we drop one (because invariably we will), we don’t want anyone to see it.

I’ve been getting more and more comments lately from people saying they don’t know how I keep it all together or how I do so much. I tend to answer the same way, telling them that it’s hard and I’m still working on finding that perfect balance, but the truth is when someone seems to be doing it all and have all of their sh*t together, you can rest assured that they are falling behind in at least one area (probably more) of their life. I know it was happening to me.

And so I’ve chosen to cut back on some commitments (though it was very hard to) and not take on new ones (even though they were appealing) in an effort to focus more time on the things that really matter - my children and my husband.

Jody and I had a parent-teacher conference with Ava’s Waldorf preschool teacher last night and she raved about what a delight Ava is. Ava is “fiery” (no surprise to us to hear that word), but a real joy. I love hearing about how well she is doing in school and how much her teacher appreciates her. It’s sometimes easier for me to focus on the bad and overlook the good and this was a good reminder for me that she really is an amazing kid.

Julian strung together his first two-word phrase last night. “Hol’ me.” (Hold me.) He said it first to Jody, but later to me as well. He’s been talking more and more the past couple of weeks, but this in particular was oh. so. very. sweet.

I don’t have any special plans for today, and that’s OK with me. I intend on spending some good quality time with the kids and enlisting Ava’s help in baking my cake. I think we’ll go with carrot cake and cream cheese frosting made from scratch. Mmmm. Perhaps we’ll play outside for a bit. Perhaps we’ll read some books. Perhaps I’ll focus on just how amazing these first 33 years of my life have been, how blessed I am, and make a wish for more of the same in my next 33.

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Preschoolers Behaving Badly: Expulsions Rise

No, no, no. Please don’t get the wrong idea. Ava did NOT get expelled from preschool or any such thing, but I did get the opportunity to contribute my thoughts regarding a Yale University study that showed bad behavior and preschool expulsions are on the rise. Check out the top of page 3. Go ahead. I’ll wait. ;)
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While I wish the journalist would’ve used more of what I said regarding gentle discipline, I felt that I came across sounding OK. (Hopefully it doesn’t make Ava sound like a bully either because she is certainly nowhere near that. She is a 3-year-old and she does react physically and emotionally at times, as I suspect most 3-year-olds do.) I would’ve loved to talk more about the type of preschool (Waldorf-inspired) Ava attends (which is a small in-home play-based school), but that wasn’t really germane to the article. Or was it?

One of the things I love about Waldorf preschool (and the Waldorf philosophy in general) is that it encourages imagination and creativity through free play and natural toys. Things like learning letters, numbers and how to read are not a part of Waldorf preschool. In fact, they don’t believe in teaching kids to read and write until they are *gasp* 7 years old. Honestly, when I learned that, my initial thought was that it seemed kind of late. However the more I thought about it and the more I learned about Waldorf the more it made sense to me.

Kids are only kids once. Why do we have to rush them into academia? Why can’t we let them be kids? Being a child should be about exploring his/her world and learning through play and imitation. They have the rest of their lives to learn reading, writing and arithmetic. That being said, I also acknowledge that different types of schooling and education work for different kids and Waldorf is not for everyone, but it seems to fit well with Ava so far. I feel fortunate in that we each have a choice regarding what works best for our children.

While I don’t know if we will continue with Waldorf education past preschool, I do know that holding off on formally teaching reading until age 7 doesn’t seem that odd to me anymore. I don’t want to deny Ava (or Julian) the experience of being a child where they can play, explore, and imagine to their heart’s content. In the meantime it’s not like Ava isn’t learning letters, counting, numbers, etc. at home. I mean, it’s a part of life and she’s definitely exposed to it, but I am happy that for her preschool is a place where she can play and explore her creativity and imagination. It works for us. :)

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Since you all might be sick of looking at “penis” at the top of my blog, I figured I’d get a post up before Christmas - just cuz I’m nice like that. ;)

I got all of my Christmas cards in the mail (finally!) today. Hooray!

And Jody and I met with Ava’s Waldorf preschool teacher tonight for parent-teacher conferences. Who knew we’d already be in for that with a 3-year-old. The conference went very well. It was great to hear more about Ava from someone else’s perspective and how she well she’s acclimated to preschool. I may blog more about the conference another time (when I have more time to spare).

We’re packing up and heading out tomorrow morning (or afternoon based on how quickly we get our crap together) for a road trip to southern Kansas to celebrate Christmas with Jody’s side of the family. We’re only driving half-way there tomorrow, then the rest on Sunday since the thought of trying to do 9 hours of driving in one day with two small children is not my idea of a good time. ;) I think breaking up the trip will go much better for all of us.

We haven’t yet turned Julian’s rear-facing car seat around (even though he’s a year old now), because he’s stayed relatively content with riding that way and it’s much safer that way (12 mos. and 20 lbs. is actually the minimum requirement for rear-facing). However, I think we are making the switch tomorrow which will hopefully keep him riding happily longer and will also allow Jody or me (the passenger seat) to recline and move back the seat a bit more, which will hopefully keep me/Jody riding happily longer as well. ;) I’d love to keep him rear-facing longer just because it is so much safer, but with all of this driving ahead of us, for my and Jody’s comfort (neither of us like riding with our legs all scrunched up and our seat-back straight up) and for the sanity of all, I think this is a good time to make the change.

I’ll likely be blogging during the trip as Jody will have two (count them - one, two) laptops (from work) with him. (Woot!) They may not be lengthy posts, but I might upload some pictures and whatnot. Then again, I might have some great wisdom to share. Ya just never know. ;) Speaking of pictures, Jody bought a new P&S camera yesterday. It seems to be a vast improvement over our old one, though I can’t even remember at the moment what kind it is. Anyway, it’s going on the trip with us.

I must get myself to bed in the very near future so I can get up and pack our bags in the morning. Oh, and finish laundry too.

Wishing you all a safe and happy long holiday weekend. :)

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NaBloPoMo - Day 15 (15 days down, 15 days to go!)

There are a lot of reasons why I love that Ava is going to a Waldorf-inspired preschool, but one that jumps out at me lately is how polite she’s been. Don’t get me wrong, she’s always been pretty good with her pleases and thank yous, but now she’s also starting to use the word “may.” “May I have a treat please?” “I may do _____ now.” “You may take a turn.” Etc.

Another thing she’s been saying that I love is “Oh me, oh my!” :) Since neither Jody nor I use that expression, I had a sneaking suspicion I knew where she picked it up. I asked her if her teacher Miss G says it and she said no, but I knew better. At the Halloween party we attended at school, on a few occasions I heard Miss G utter “Oh me, oh my” or “Oh my, oh me.” :) It’s a lot better than “Oh crap,” so you won’t hear me complaining.

And actually, that reminds me. My sister (Aunt Carrie) was at our house a few days ago and she accidentally let an “Oh crap” out in front of Ava. And Ava replied, “Why did you say ‘oh crud‘?” I wonder if that’s the product of preschool as well, because as much as I hate to admit it, “crap” is one of the words I haven’t been able to stop saying.

In addition to the cute little things that come out of Ava’s mouth, I love that her class is so small (only three other kids) and she has such a great relationship with the other kids as well as her teacher. She often plays “school” at home and pretends to be one of the kids in her class or her teacher or she asks me to be her teacher and Julian is one of the other kids, etc. She has such a wonderful imagination and I love that she’s getting to explore it so fully in Waldorf school. I also love that she is nurtured, respected and loved there. I don’t have to question the care she is receiving.

I’m not sure how far we will continue doing the Waldorf thing. That’s still up in the air, but for now I’m very happy with it and think the money we spend to send her two days a week is well worth it - not only for the experience for her, but for the break for mommy. Let’s face it, as much as I love being a SAHM - oh me, oh my - I need my breaks too. ;) Balance is a good thing.

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NaBloPoMo - Day 11

It was a busy weekend around here (the first of many!), complete with a Lantern Walk and potluck dinner (celebrating Martinmas) at Ava’s preschool, a housewarming party at my friend’s new (and gorgeous) house, more leaf raking and bagging (we’re finally done!), a haircut for Ava, Freecycling a table and chairs set, as well as birthday (Julian) and Christmas toy shopping.

Thanks to a tip from my friend Melissa, I spent over an hour on Saturday looking through toys at Tuesday Morning of all places. They got a shipment of German wooden toys in and there were deals to be had! :) (They weren’t HABA - how rockin’ would that be? - but they did seem like good quality, lead-free toys.) I’m starting to believe that this desire to find good, quality wooden toys is an addiction. I’m on the lookout for them where ever I go - thrift stores, consignment stores, and now - thanks to Melissa - closeout stores as well. LOL

I hope to write about my wonderful wooden finds in the next week or two and actually compose a Crunchy Domestic Goddess Holiday Gift Guide of sorts. :) Won’t that be fun?! :)

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I feel like I’ve been in a total funk the past two weekends and I’m not exactly sure why, though I have my suspicions. My guess is that I’ve had these ideas of how I expected/wanted the weekends to go and, in both cases, they didn’t go that way at all. Be forewarned, I sound like a whiny baby ahead. I haven’t been getting as much sleep lately as I would like/need so I’m sure that’s playing a role here too.

Two weekends ago, we planned to go to a Harvest Festival at the local Waldorf school. It went from 10 til 2, but because Julian woke up really early and then needed a nap, we didn’t get there until 1. I was really bummed to have missed most of it. I still managed to get an impromptu tour of the school thanks to a friend of mine who’s son went there for summer camp, and I still had a good time, but I just wished we all had more time to enjoy it before they packed everything up.

The good news is the school is amazing and I absolutely love it, so I’m glad that we got to go and check it out. The bad news is that tuition is even more expensive than what we’re paying for preschool (think college tuition), so I don’t know if it’s something we can realistically pursue or not. Well, I know it’s not something we can pursue without me getting another income. We live pretty much hand to mouth as it is, so “finding” extra money isn’t even an option.

The rest of that weekend went something like this. We suspected that Ava had a urinary tract infection so Jody took her to urgent care on Sunday, where they were for much of the day. The culture came back negative, but they let it grow (or whatever they do) and we heard back from them a few days later that she did in fact have a UTI (e-coli to be exact). So she’s on antibiotics (and probiotics) for 10 days.

Then this weekend we had plans to go to a pick-your-own-veggies fest at a local farm with a bunch of friends from our AP group. Unfortunately Julian woke up early again and I felt that he really needed a nap before we ventured out for the day. So we missed the group but decided to go, along with my sister (Carrie), much later in the day. By the time we got to the farm the wind was racing madly and there were huge dirt clouds all over the place. We let Ava take a ride in a little train, then we headed into the corn maze where the cornstalks protected us from the flying dirt. We then go lost in the corn maze and Ava had had enough and just wanted to go home. So Jody forged his own path out of the corn maze, while we followed behind, Ava (all 36 lbs. of her) in my arms. We gave up on the veggie picking and went home. I was bummed. I’d been looking forward to bags and bags of produce, especially in light of getting my new food processor. Perhaps another day.

On Sunday we decided to take a drive up into the mountains to see and photograph the beautiful fall foliage. (Can you tell where this is going?) The drive up was really nice (if you don’t count Ava whining and crying because she was tired, but too stubborn to take a nap in the car) and the leaves were gorgeous, but once we got to the Peak to Peak Scenic Byway, they were about 90% down. That is to say, they were well past peak and all we saw were a lot of bare aspen trees among the evergreens. Disappointment. We did stop at an Open Space area and went for a little walk (not long enough to call it a hike), but it was really cold and we were hungry so it didn’t last long. Pics from our walk coming for Wordless Wednesday this week.

The silver lining was that we found a new (to us) cafe to eat at up in Nederland and had a delicious late lunch while watching snow (yes, SNOW) fall outside. :)

So all in all, I just felt that both weekends didn’t go the way I wanted them to and it bummed me out. I know that’s life with kids, and the way the cookie crumbles, and all of that, but I just felt like being selfish and having things go my way. I try to remind myself that someday my kids will no longer be living at home and I will be free to go pick vegetables to my heart’s content and take weekend treks by myself, if I like, to take all of the nature pictures that I want. It’s so hard when you are in the thick of it to remember that these days of self-sacrifice will be gone before I know it and then I will undoubtedly miss these days and wonder why I couldn’t have just been happy in the moment.

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Jody and I are stealing away for a date night tonight. Yes, an evening out - without the kids! Aunt Carrie is babysitting and we are going out!

Where will our night out take us you ask?
For a romantic dinner? No.
To a movie? Nope.
A walk on the beach? (Yeah, I don’t know what beach either, but it sounded good.) Guess again.

Jody and I will be spending our night out at …
Ava’s preschool! ;)
It’s the first of several scheduled parent evenings as part of the Waldorf school.

Despite the fact that our night out will not be a romantic one (unless we sneak away to the playhouse in the backyard - *wink, wink*), I’m looking forward to it. These days I’ll take a night out however I can get it. he he. It’s funny how things can change so drastically once you have kids.

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Yesterday was my big girl’s first day of preschool. Despite my mommy nerves the day before about sending my baby to preschool, everything went really well - for all of us. :) It took her all of about 30 seconds from walking in to acclimating and starting to play. She didn’t even want to stop to kiss me goodbye so she blew me a kiss instead. My little bird is spreading her wings.

Of course, I had to take a few pictures to document the morning.

Ava has all of her stuff (lunch, extra clothes, sun hat, inside shoes, paperwork that mommy and daddy filled out) and is ready to go to her first day at preschool, while Julian wonders why in the world he’s awake and in the car so early.

Arriving at preschool …

Ava’s symbol at the school is cherries - on her basket, her cup, her hook and her towel.

All of the inside shoes (the teacher’s and the kids’) lined up in a row. (Ava’s new moccasins are on the right.)

Let the fun begin!

Dig in.

And lastly, here’s her “I’m done with pictures and it’s time for you to leave now, Mom” face. Whomever said attachment parenting doesn’t promote independent children never met Ava. ;)

When I went to pick her up at 1 p.m., she was playing on a bouncy ball with two other children (a boy and a girl), and looked so happy. Then she looked up, saw me, scowled and said, “Go back home.” Aww, I love you too, honey. :oP

The little girl said to me about Ava, “She’s my friend.” :) She and the boy stay until 3 p.m. and have nap time there. Because they weren’t leaving, Ava wasn’t thrilled with the fact that she had to go home. My girl, who never naps anymore, even said, “I want to stay and nap too.” Anyway, we are going to look into how much it will cost for her to stay the extra two hours and see if we can somehow swing that too. (gulp) I think it would be good for her to try it. She obviously loves the place and her friends. :) And maybe it was just wishful thinking, but it sure seemed like Ava was in a really good mood the rest of the day yesterday. AND we didn’t turn on the TV the whole day! I think this Waldorf preschool is going to be a wonderful thing.

After learning my lesson when my kiss request was denied yesterday, today when I dropped her off I made sure to get my hug and kiss in before we went into the preschool. She is much more accommodating when the prospect of playing doesn’t get in the way.

When we walked in I heard the other girl’s dad say sweetly to her, “OK honey, Ava is here. Is it OK if daddy leaves now?” She then said goodbye to her dad. It’s not a surprise, but it’s always nice to hear that my little girl is loved by others as well. :)

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A little over a week ago, I wrote about our (then) upcoming two-hour preschool interview to find out if a home-based Waldorf-inspired preschool was a good fit for Ava and if Ava was a good fit for the preschool. It turns out the interview wasn’t nearly as daunting as I thought it would be. It mostly amounted to Jody and me talking about what a great kid Ava is (because she really is a great kid on most days - Saturday was not one of those days, but that’s neither here nor there).

We talked about my pregnancy with Ava, her birth, her early years (wait, she’s 3 - isn’t she still in her early years?), what life is like at our house, our discipline philosophy, how much TV she watches, what she likes to play with, etc. And we heard from the preschool teacher about the Waldorf philosophy*, her discipline practices (in a word - gentle), what forms we need to have filled out, teacher home visits, parent meeting nights and work days, festivals, the checklist for the first day of school, what their days consist of, safety and health info in the preschool handbook, what foods are off limits for lunches (no peanut butter since a boy who attends on the days opposite of Ava has a severe allergy and no sweets because it’s unWaldorfian - hehe, I just made that word up), her thoughts on TV/DVD watching (if it makes it’s way into the preschool repeatedly - like if Ava was always saying “let’s play ‘Annie’” - which she actually does with me sometimes oops! - and trying to coerce the kids into playing ‘Annie’ or some such thing - then we will have to cut back) and several other things.

We easily could have filled up more than two hours talking (I think we went slightly over two hours as it was), but I felt the need to get back home to my kids to make sure they weren’t running amok while Aunt Carrie watched the both of them together for the very first time. (All was well. They all did great! Julian was even sleeping when we got home.)

Jody and I feel this preschool is a great match for Ava and are sure she’s going to enjoy it and thrive being a part of this program. The teacher is so calm and nurturing and does very well with the children. I wish it didn’t cost an arm and a leg, but I guess, in this case, you get what you pay for. I started having a bit of anxiety right after we signed the contract signing Ava up for two mornings per week because I really am unsure how we are going to pay for it, but we will work something out. We have to. We’re in it for the school year now! ;)

Just this past Saturday we went back to the school for an open house/welcome to preschool tea. Unfortunately, we’d had a rough morning at our house so Ava wasn’t her usual self and got into a few squabbles with some of the kids over various toys, but overall it went well. We got to meet one of the other girls who will be attending on the same days as Ava, and we already know one of the boys who will be going with her as well from our AP group. We drank tea, ate scones, played in the yard (which has a great playhouse/castle thing, a big sandbox, jump ropes, watering cans, bubbles, balls and all of the chalk a 3-year-old could possibly need, as well as a burbling water fountain, flowers, and gnomes and fairies in the garden) and played in the house/preschool (which has some wonderful wooden toys, a little kitchen, little tables, play silks, dishes, soft dolls, cars, puzzles and all sorts of other neat stuff designed to spark the imagination).

Preschool for Ava begins on Thursday. :) We still need to go shopping for a few things for her to keep at the school - indoor shoes (different from the ones she will wear outside) and a sun hat (so we will have one for at home). We also have to put together a change of clothes and a sweater to leave at school, and of course her nutritious lunch (without sweets) which will go with her each day. :)

Speaking of lunch, I’m hungry I think I’m going to get her a new lunch box. (We had one for her summer camp at the farm, but I have grown tired of all of the waste involved.) I’ve been eyeing this one. It’s a bit pricey, but it looks awesome and I love that there is zero waste (plastic bags, etc.) from it. I really love the idea behind these laptop lunch kits (AKA bento boxes) and am sure I will write more about it another time.

Stay tuned as there is sure to be an update from Ava’s first day, as well as pics, later this week! :)

* The Waldorf method was founded by a man named Dr. Rudolph Steiner in the early part of the twentieth century. He believed very strongly that education should not only engage the minds of children, but the bodies and spirits as well. These elements are not treated as separate; the Waldorf method is designed to educate all of them in concert.

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Apparently you gotta interview to get into preschool these days. When I say you, I don’t mean the preschooler, I mean you - the parents. Yes, tomorrow afternoon Jody and I are scheduled for a two-hour interview with Ava’s preschool teacher - without Ava. Two hours! That’s longer than any job interview I’ve ever had.

We decided to enroll Ava in a two morning/week Waldorf-inspired in-home preschool for the fall. She craves the socialization and I think she is more than ready for it. We have a few friends who have children in this program and they just love it. We’ve visited with the teacher twice now and went to see a class in session and feel it’s a good match for us and Ava. It’s a mix of ages (2-5) and there are a maximum of six children in the “class.” I love the Waldorf emphasis on natural toys and imaginative play. I also like that it’s spiritual, but not based on any particular religion. Another plus is that it’s literally about 4 blocks from our house so easily within walking distance. :)

I’m not exactly sure what is in store for us with during the two hours tomorrow, but I do know it’s a chance for the teacher to learn more about Ava. I’m sure it will be a good thing, it just seems awfully long.

I must admit I’m a little nervous about the Waldorf stance on TV watching (Waldorf kindergartens and lower grades discourage exposure to media influences such as television, computers and recorded music, as they believe these to be harmful to cognitive development) since Ava does watch TV (PBS shows) pretty much every weekday. It’s the only way I’ve figured out to make sure she stays occupied while I put Julian down for his naps. I understand why they discourage it and, in a perfect world, I would too, but I think the phrase “everything in moderation” could apply here too. (shrug)

I guess we’ll see if mommy gets into trouble before Ava even has her first day. ;) Wish me luck.

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