Preparing for a Wedding vs. Preparing to Give Birth – How Much Time Do You Invest?

I read a Tweet this week by Kristen (@OmahaBabyLady) that made me take pause. She said, “Why will people plan for a year for their wedding but 12 weeks of childbirth classes is too long? WTF?” I’d never thought of it in that way before, but it resonated with me. Many people spend a year or longer planning and preparing for their wedding, but how much time do they spend preparing for the life-changing and life-giving event of giving birth to their child?

Kristen, who is a Bradley childbirth educator and doula, was prompted to Tweet and blog about this after a potential client reacted to the news that the birth classes Kristen offered would be 12 weeks long. “Twelve weeks!,” she exclaimed. “You expect me to spend 12 weeks on something so simple as giving birth?” Kristen was at a loss for words and reflected on this for a few days before she made the analogy between preparing for a wedding and preparing for a birth. She said on her blog Baby’s Best Beginning that she planned for her wedding for more than 15 months, including visiting wedding message boards, interviewing people and spending “countless hours agonizing” over all of the details and says most of the people she knows did/do the same. “Of course at the end of the day all that really matters is that they are able to marry their partner but very few people say ‘well, the minister/priest/rabbi etc. is the expert on marriage I will just do whatever they say in regards to my wedding,’ yet when it comes to birth so many couples simply defer to whatever their doctor tells them is best even when there is no medical evidence supporting those choices.”

So is 12 weeks too long to spend preparing to give birth? Kristen obviously doesn’t believe so. She feels, “When it comes to bringing your child into the world this is truly not a case of less is more.”

Not everyone agrees though. @SybilRyan argues that the two events (wedding and birth) are “not even remotely similar” and shouldn’t be compared. Genevieve is taking Bradley classes now and thinks 12 weeks is too long, but eight weeks would be perfect. “I love my teacher, the other parents, etc., but 12 weeks is a really long commitment when you have so much else to do to prepare for your baby.” @Reecemg who blogs at Metagestation said she took an eight-week class and it was the perfect length. Others, such as Heather who blogs at Christian Stay At Home Moms thinks an intensive four to six hour one-day class would be good, as “its difficult to find time to go to a class 1x per week for 12 weeks.”

Mary, who blogs at One Perfect Mess, said on Twitter, “The length [of the class] probably depends on the quality. For us four meetings was plenty.”

Merry With Children also commented on Twitter and said, “I know there are things to learn but so much of it [birth] is going to go how its going to go. Too much info is just scary.”

Rebecca thinks people put more time preparing for their wedding than childbirth for exactly that reason — fear. She commented on Twitter, a “wedding is fun, childbirth is scary. ‘Experts’ will take care of everything when you show up at hospital.”

Andi who blogs at Confessions of a Judgmental Hippy agrees with Kristen and thinks, “if a woman can commit to 12 prenatal appointments (average) then 12 weeks (sessions) of [childbirth education] should be easy.”

Whitney blogs at The (Un)balancing Act of Motherhood took Bradley classes and thinks the length of time was “perfect,” although admits she gave birth before attending the last two classes. She added, “I can’t imagine learning about what happens in birth, what to expect, what to do, etc. in one class or even four classes. But like I said, that’s just me. Others would be fine with one or four classes.”

What do you think? Can the two events – a wedding and a birth – be compared? What is the “right” amount of time to prepare for giving birth?

I planned for more than a year for my wedding, and although I didn’t attend a 12-week Bradley Method session, I feel like I put a good deal of preparation into childbirth. I took Hypnobirthing classes before my first child was born, which were six two-hour classes if I remember correctly. I also read a lot and practiced the Hypnobirthing techniques.

I agree to some degree with Merry With Children in that no matter how much one prepares, birth is “going to go how its going to go.” But I also think the more you know and understand about birth, the better informed you will be to make choices along the way. Knowledge is power.

Photo credits:
Bride –
Maternity –

Cross-posted on BlogHer

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Birth plan? Doula? Natural birth? Not here you don’t.

A sign posted at the Aspen OB/GYN Women’s Center in Provo, Utah has many women up in arms. What’s so offensive? Read for yourself.

The sign reads as follows:

Because the Physicians at Aspen Women’s Center care about the quality of their patient’s deliveries and are very concerned about the welfare and health of your unborn child, we will not participate in a “Birth Contract”, a Doulah Assisted, or a Bradley Method delivery. For those patients who are interested in such methods, please notify the nurse so we may arrange transfer of your care.

I first learned of this sign from Naomi, the Denver Doula, who posted it on Facebook. Being a doula (which is misspelled on the sign) herself, she took a particular interest in it. When she called the Center and inquired with the receptionist as to why the sign was posted she was told, “in case there is an emergency we don’t want anyone to get in the way of the doctor doing what he has to do.”

Annie from PhD in Parenting was inspired by the sign to write How Not To Have a Natural Birth and believes the center might as well have said:

Because Physicians at Aspen Women’s Center care only about doing things their own way and making as much money as possible from unnecessary birth interventions, even if it poses greater risks to the welfare and health your baby, we will not participate in a “Birth Contract”, a doula-assisted, or a Bradley Method delivery. For all patients who have done any research into having the safest birth possible, please notify the nurse so that we can transfer you to a facility that cares less about control and money.

Annie added, “I guess we can at least credit them with warning women in advance. Many hospitals with the same attitude don’t have a sign hanging out front.”

Amber responded, “I always thought the big ‘trust birth’ poster in my midwives office was a little cheesy. Now that I’ve seen the alternative, I think it’s truly marvelous. Really.”

Miriam Zoila Pérez of Radical Doula wrote a post called Signs You Don’t Want to See at Your OB-GYN’s Office. She believes the sign could be translated to say:

We don’t care at all what you want as a parent, or a person in labor. We want a patient who will sit quiet and do what we say–no matter what. Oh and if you have a partner you want involved, tough. Your desires don’t matter.

Miriam adds, “They should change the name of the center to the ‘Unborn Children Center’ since they don’t seem to care too much about the women involved.”

A commenter named Janna responded saying, “That’s what bothered me most about this hateful little sign–not once is the “welfare and health” of the MOTHER mentioned, just the “welfare and health” of the “unborn child” and the “quality” of the “deliveries.” Who would want to give birth in a place where they’re the lowest priority on their caregiver’s list? I hope women in this area have other options and the opportunity to have safe, healthy, supportive births.”

Does no doula, Bradley Method birth or birth “contract” equal no women’s rights?

Summer who writes at Wired for Noise says signs like this one and stories like the lack of choice with regard to our reproductive health and doctors’ personal “birth plans” make her sometimes think Doctors Hate Women.

What does it say when women have to escape, have to run away in order to do something as normal as give birth? What does it say when women are treated like children, talked down to, insulted, lied to, and handed letters telling them what the god-head doctor will allow or not allow. When all you want to do is give birth and you’re doctor is more concerned with telling you to sit down and shut up, what is that if not hatred?

I have to agree with Annie that at least some doctors are upfront with what they will and won’t “allow” as part of their practice. Kudos to them for being honest. Hopefully that will allow women to look for another care provider while she’s still early in her pregnancy.

Rest assured if the OB/GYN I had at my daughter’s birth would have given me a piece of paper with her “rules” or had a sign posted like that at the Aspen Women’s Clinic, I would have found another care provider pronto. Instead, however, she paid me lip service and acted like she cared about my birth plan (though she didn’t act very well and that should have been a big clue for me) and said we could “try” Hypnobirthing, etc. However, when push came to shove (no pun intended), it was her way or the highway. I had my healthy baby girl at the end of it and for that I am truly thankful, but I also got a lot more than I bargained for (and not in a good way). Then again it was that experience lead me to pursue a home birth for my second child and become a home birth advocate.

Although I admire the Aspen Women’s Center’s honesty, I find it truly offensive that they imply that if a woman wants a doula, natural birth, or has a birth plan, she is not concerned with the welfare and health of her baby (so much more personal than “unborn child” don’t you think?) or is even putting her baby’s life at risk. Studies have shown that when doulas attend birth, labors are shorter with fewer complications, babies are healthier and they breastfeed more easily. And how exactly is choosing a Bradley birth not good for the health or welfare of the baby? “Bradley® classes teach families how to have natural births. The techniques are simple and effective. They are based on information about how the human body works during labor. Couples are taught how they can work with their bodies to reduce pain and make their labors more efficient.” What about a birth plan or “contract?” Is that harmful to the “unborn child?” The American Pregnancy Association suggests, “Creating a birth plan can help you have a more positive birth experience.”

There are other things I find offensive as well, like Janna mentioned above, the mother does not seem to be included in the equation at all. Is there any concern for her “welfare and health?”

Who’s time money welfare are they really concerned with? I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. I’ve obviously already drawn mine.

Cross-posted on BlogHer.

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