Preparing for a Wedding vs. Preparing to Give Birth – How Much Time Do You Invest?

I read a Tweet this week by Kristen (@OmahaBabyLady) that made me take pause. She said, “Why will people plan for a year for their wedding but 12 weeks of childbirth classes is too long? WTF?” I’d never thought of it in that way before, but it resonated with me. Many people spend a year or longer planning and preparing for their wedding, but how much time do they spend preparing for the life-changing and life-giving event of giving birth to their child?

Kristen, who is a Bradley childbirth educator and doula, was prompted to Tweet and blog about this after a potential client reacted to the news that the birth classes Kristen offered would be 12 weeks long. “Twelve weeks!,” she exclaimed. “You expect me to spend 12 weeks on something so simple as giving birth?” Kristen was at a loss for words and reflected on this for a few days before she made the analogy between preparing for a wedding and preparing for a birth. She said on her blog Baby’s Best Beginning that she planned for her wedding for more than 15 months, including visiting wedding message boards, interviewing people and spending “countless hours agonizing” over all of the details and says most of the people she knows did/do the same. “Of course at the end of the day all that really matters is that they are able to marry their partner but very few people say ‘well, the minister/priest/rabbi etc. is the expert on marriage I will just do whatever they say in regards to my wedding,’ yet when it comes to birth so many couples simply defer to whatever their doctor tells them is best even when there is no medical evidence supporting those choices.”

So is 12 weeks too long to spend preparing to give birth? Kristen obviously doesn’t believe so. She feels, “When it comes to bringing your child into the world this is truly not a case of less is more.”

Not everyone agrees though. @SybilRyan argues that the two events (wedding and birth) are “not even remotely similar” and shouldn’t be compared. Genevieve is taking Bradley classes now and thinks 12 weeks is too long, but eight weeks would be perfect. “I love my teacher, the other parents, etc., but 12 weeks is a really long commitment when you have so much else to do to prepare for your baby.” @Reecemg who blogs at Metagestation said she took an eight-week class and it was the perfect length. Others, such as Heather who blogs at Christian Stay At Home Moms thinks an intensive four to six hour one-day class would be good, as “its difficult to find time to go to a class 1x per week for 12 weeks.”

Mary, who blogs at One Perfect Mess, said on Twitter, “The length [of the class] probably depends on the quality. For us four meetings was plenty.”

Merry With Children also commented on Twitter and said, “I know there are things to learn but so much of it [birth] is going to go how its going to go. Too much info is just scary.”

Rebecca thinks people put more time preparing for their wedding than childbirth for exactly that reason — fear. She commented on Twitter, a “wedding is fun, childbirth is scary. ‘Experts’ will take care of everything when you show up at hospital.”

Andi who blogs at Confessions of a Judgmental Hippy agrees with Kristen and thinks, “if a woman can commit to 12 prenatal appointments (average) then 12 weeks (sessions) of [childbirth education] should be easy.”

Whitney blogs at The (Un)balancing Act of Motherhood took Bradley classes and thinks the length of time was “perfect,” although admits she gave birth before attending the last two classes. She added, “I can’t imagine learning about what happens in birth, what to expect, what to do, etc. in one class or even four classes. But like I said, that’s just me. Others would be fine with one or four classes.”

What do you think? Can the two events – a wedding and a birth – be compared? What is the “right” amount of time to prepare for giving birth?

I planned for more than a year for my wedding, and although I didn’t attend a 12-week Bradley Method session, I feel like I put a good deal of preparation into childbirth. I took Hypnobirthing classes before my first child was born, which were six two-hour classes if I remember correctly. I also read a lot and practiced the Hypnobirthing techniques.

I agree to some degree with Merry With Children in that no matter how much one prepares, birth is “going to go how its going to go.” But I also think the more you know and understand about birth, the better informed you will be to make choices along the way. Knowledge is power.

Photo credits:
Bride –
Maternity –

Cross-posted on BlogHer

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Planning for a homebirth

By now you may have gathered that instead of choosing to have an OB-attended hospital birth this time around, we are planning to have a midwife-attended homebirth. There are a number of varied factors that have led me down such a different path with this baby and I’d like to share some of them here.

I have to first admit that I’ve been a little reticent to post about this, not because I’m not excited about it, but because homebirth in our culture is not seen as a safe or wise choice (though in reality it is as safe or safer than hospital births in most cases – there are a number of studies that indicate as such). I am open to questions about why I’ve made this decision or things specific to homebirths, but I don’t wish to be attacked for my choice. I have no desire to get into a debate over which is better – hospital or home. Rest assured I’ve done a lot of soul searching and research to come to the conclusion that planning a homebirth is right for me. In the event that a condition arises during my pregnancy or labor that indicates that a homebirth is no longer a safe, responsible choice, I have no qualms about going back to my OB (whom I like and respect) or being transferred to a hospital (which is literally less than five minutes from our house) if necessary.
OK, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s dive in, shall we? :)

First of all, I believe that – in the majority of cases – birth is a normal, natural and healthy process. I believe in a woman’s (and my own) ability to give birth naturally, normally, without intervention, as women have been doing for thousands of years.

I am drawn to the midwifery model of care because it feels normal and natural. I like that a typical midwife prenatal visit lasts 60 minutes (as opposed to the typical 6 minute OB prenatal visit) and does not feel rushed. I like that I am getting to know the woman who will be there for my labor and birth and that she will gain my trust so that I feel comfortable with her while laboring and birthing. I like that my midwife is interested in my nutrition and in suggesting preventative measures (such as acupuncture) to help ensure that I have a healthy birth.

My midwife in particular has a 15 year background as an EMT (emergency medical technician). I feel her experience in that capacity has helped her develop critical thinking skills and the ability to think quickly on her feet. After all, how can you be an EMT without that ability? So I feel very comfortable that if a situation should arise that is beyond her comfort level, she will know what steps to take (i.e. a hospital transfer). Because of my history of complications with Ava, this was very important for us. Both Jody and I feel very confident in her experience and abilities.

I love the idea of birthing at my own home, where I am comfortable and able to relax without worrying about who’s going to be walking in the door next (nurse shift changes, etc.), where Ava can play or sleep or do whatever she needs to (in a safe environment) and still be in close proximity to me and Jody. (My sister will be her primary caregiver while I am in labor.) And when the baby is born, Ava can chose whether or not she wants to be present. (Yes, we will be preparing her with regard to what to expect when mommy is in labor, etc. We actually watched a birth video – “Giving Birth: Challenges and Choices” by Suzanne Arms – this week.) I’d like her to be there, but I’m not going to force her. If she is meant to be there, she will be. After seeing her interest in watching the birth video though, I am pretty certain she’ll want to see baby brother join us.

I also love the idea of being able to sleep in my own bed after the birth. That was one of the hardest things for me in the hospital, not being able to sleep. I eventually had to ask for sleeping pills because it’d been something like three days since I’d slept for more than a few minutes at a time, and having hallucinations while trying to care for a newborn is no fun. Having my own bed will be heavenly. And I’m sure Jody would agree as well after sleeping on a flimsy mattress on the cold, hard hospital floor for 5 days after Ava’s birth.

Another compelling reason for me to have a homebirth is I’d like to labor and possibly birth in water and my midwife has a birthing pool that we can set up right in our house.

Because of all of this and more, I feel planning for a homebirth makes sense for us.
The following information was taken from The Homebirth Choice by Jill Cohen and Marti Dorsey and further illustrates why I’ve decided a homebirth is the right choice for me and my family. I cut and pasted some things that I feel are particularly important to me.

“Midwife means “with woman.” Traditionally, women have attended and assisted other women during labor and birth. As modern medicine emerged in the West, birth fell into the realm of the medical. Since women were barred from attending medical schools, men became the birth practitioners. Having never had a baby themselves, they were unable to approach women and childbirth with the inner knowledge and experience of a woman. Childbirth became viewed as pathological rather than natural; unnecessary, and often dangerous or unproven, medical techniques and interventions became commonplace.

During the 1960s and 1970s, along with the women’s movement and renewed interest in homebirth, the midwifery movement rekindled. It has been growing steadily ever since. Midwives are becoming more and more involved with birthing families and have been instrumental in redefining birth as a natural event in women’s lives.

Midwifery empowers women and their families with the experience of birth.”


“Prenatal visits may take place at the midwife’s home or clinic or at the family’s home. Prenatal visits are a time for the midwife to get to know the family and friends, neighbors, or other children who plan to be present at the birth.

Prenatal care for the pregnant woman includes discussion of nutrition, exercise and overall physical and emotional well-being, as well as overseeing the healthy development of the fetus.

Midwives include the family during prenatal care, inviting them to ask questions and to listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Intimate involvement of the family throughout the pregnancy allows for early bonding of the newly emerging family unit.

The midwife and family will often discuss the mechanics of birth. The more people know what’s going to happen, the more comfortable they may be while awaiting the birth.”

“In the safety and security of her own home, the mom is likely to be less inhibited about trying different labor positions and locations. She can sit on the toilet or go for a walk outside. She can eat or drink whatever she wants. She writes her own script. When it’s time to deliver, she can often try whatever position she wants: on her side, squatting, sitting or kneeling.”

“Homebirth allows for full participation of family members. Under the guidance and assistance of the midwife, the opportunity is available for husbands or partners to “catch” their child as it is born. These moments can be very powerful and transformational in the lives of the new parents.

At homebirths, babies are usually immediately placed on the mom’s stomach or breast, providing security, warmth and immediate bonding between mom and baby. This contact provides security for both mom and baby.

In the rare case when the baby has difficulty breathing on its own, midwives are fully trained in infant CPR. Usually, putting the baby right to the breast and having mom talk to her baby will encourage it to take those first breaths.

Putting the baby immediately to the breast helps reduce any bleeding the mom may have. The sucking action stimulates the uterus and causes it to contract. This closes off blood vessels and reduces bleeding.

Some members of the medical community have recently acknowledged that having a homebirth decreases the mother’s and baby’s chances of contracting an infection. The mother is used to the bacteria in her own environment and has built up immunities to it. This is passed on to the baby through the colostrum. Even when women are segregated in maternity wards, infections are much more commonplace after hospital births than homebirths.”

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